Expert: Julie - 3/1/2009

Question
I was with a guy for 2 and a half years before we ended on reasonably good terms. The main reason for the break-up being his inability to put any effort into the relationship and unwillingness to commit further. I struggled to move on and a year later found myself with him again. Understandably this ended very badly 6 months later for the same reasons, Stupid me! He now has someone else who is younger and better looking. Living in a reasonably small town I feel like I can't go out without the possibility of seeing them. I am bitter towards him and her and any mutual friends we had, though I don't want to be. I know by being this way, I am ruining my own chances of happiness, but I can't seem to get the vindictive thoughts out of my head. I've been on a couple of dates with men that I haven't had any chemistry with, though I can't help thinking I'm only looking for the negatives in people. How can I get rid of the bitterness and move on with my own life to start something new with someone else? I know deep down I'm a positive person with so much to offer and I want that person back!

Answer
Its understandable that your are bitter but you have to learn to let it go. You have to start with yourself first. Just because he found someone younger and what you think is better looking doesn't mean anything negative towards you at all. But I'm glad you recognize that your bitterness is standing in the way of your happiness. Until you've healed and are ready to move on, you probably aren't ready to date right now anyways and thats why you are looking at the negatives in these people. You need to heal yourself first and your self esteem before you can move on. First start with letting go of your ex and that he's with someone else. And you need to let go of being bitter towards her because she didn't do anything wrong. And try focusing on yourself and doing things that make YOU happy. Once you do that then you're gonna be more open to finding someone else.