Expert: Julie - 3/28/2009

Question
hi...i've been in a relationship for 4 years. The last year of the relationship is a long distance. For the both of us, this is our first relationship. For the past year i've been working and she is in grad school. I've never cheated on her, but because were physically apart, she has cheated on me. She did not set out to do this, but was as the result of other guys making passes on her. She has been weak and couldn't say no. This has hurt me and has reduced the trust i have in her.

We do love eachother, and we have talked about marriage. I'm ready, but she isn't. As a result, she has decided she wants a break from the relationship. Part of the reason is for her to take a step back and decide if she really wants to be with me (it would involve moving from the east coast to the west coast) and so that she can know what it would be like to be with other guys(when she first got together with me, she didn't expect to fall for me soo much).

Now, although it's difficult for me, part of me thinks this is the correct move, even though it may lead to us not getting back together.

Now, my question is whether i should have stayed in the relationship althouh she continued to cheat on me. If we are together, she wouldn't cheat on me. Only the long distance has caused her to cheat. If she decides she wants me back, should i take her?

Answer
Well whether you want her back or not is totally up to you, and how you can handle that she has cheated on you in the past. Its hard to do that and it will take time to trust again. I know, because I was in a long distance relationship and my ex cheated on me, but never did while together. It took a while to get over but I was able to forgive due to the circumstances. Its never okay to cheat, she should have been honest and broke up with you before doing anything. But being in a long distance relationship is very difficult.

But the break like you said, is the right move, she needs to figure things out and get out there.
If she wants to come back and is willing to move to be with you, you need to figure out if you are willing to forgive her and trust her. Of course the trust will need to be earned.
So its up to you. Personally, I took my boyfriend back and we were able to work things out, but everyones different with how they handle what happened in the past. It sounds like you are understanding and willing to overlook what she did, so I would say you can give it a chance. But consider it carefully especially if she is going to move to be with you. If you find you can't overcome the past, its not fair to her.

good luck

Julie