Expert: Julie - 3/3/2009

Question
My boyfriend and I were together for almost 2 years. We talked about marriage,kids, and our future together. We both love each other very much and never have felt this way for anyone else. The problem was that the past few months I became unhappy with not getting and feeling the attention I should have from him. He is a very goal driven guy and has things he wants to accomplish but lately I didn't fit into his life with all he wanted to accomplish. He came to me and told me that right now he needs time to grow, mature and accomplish the goals he has. He said he was unable to give me the attention that I could give him. He was very emotional and said this was not about him wanting to go out and party or meet other girls but time for him to have space. He said he thought it wasn't a good idea to see each other or talk but in the mean time I'm heart broken. He said he sees himself with me in the future and loves me like no one else but I'm so afraid of losing him or him falling out of love with me. I have left him alone and given him space. I have not called , text or anything but I just want to know what he's thinking or feeling or what you see is happening. If he loves me that much why would he let me go and take a chance of losing me? We had an amazing relationship. We had so much fun, or families love each other and his friends adore me. I just don't get it? What do you think.is going on?

Answer
Well first off thats good that you have given him his space because by not doing so you'd only be pushing him further away.
Sometimes people can love each other so much but theres things in their life that they feel they need to do without being in a relationship, because sometimes being in a relationship means neglecting that person.
I am sure he misses you and thinks about you..and Im sure he does have the fear of losing you as well..but he probably sees that its a chance he has to take right now in order to make himself happy.
Sometimes people in the best relationships who love each other very much, feel the need to take a step back and get some space to achieve whatever they need in their life because if they are not happy in their life right now, they can't make the person they love happy either.
And thats probably how he felt..that he wasn't being fair to you and that this was the best decision he could make for right now.

If its meant to be then no he won't fall out of love with you its not that easy.
I can totally relate because my ex told me he needs space right now even though he used to tell me he was scared of losing me, but that during this time, he has to take that chance.
Kind of makes you wonder when your not the one in their situation though, but they must feel really strongly about their decision to risk losing us. So I know exactly what your going through right now. But since I do talk to him from time to time, he does miss me, he is scared of losing me but he figures if its meant to be then it'll work out eventually. And thats probably what your ex is thinking too although we can never ever assume what they are really thinking/feeling.

What I learned is I can't control what his decisions are, how he feels about losing me, how he feels period and what he does. I can only control what I do and how I cope with all this and thats about all you can do too. Worrying about whether or not he will lose interest is futile as it only fuels your grief. And theres nothing you can do. Just try to worry about what you can control and right now, anything to do with him, you can't control.
Its a very difficult situation because you feel helpless..and thats one of the worst feelings. But you can take your power back by focusing on yourself and moving on. And you know what? If he does lose interest or you move on..thats his loss. Thats the way I look at it. Just because they need space to work out whatever they need doesnt mean we have to put our life on hold wondering about what they are feeling or thinking.
Only you can make you happy, so do the little things that make you happy and move on. I learned the hard way its futile to keep hoping and holding on because then the ex (another one) ended up finding someone else and I wasted all that time when I could've been moving on. Not saying that will happen but you can't take any chances.

I wish you all the best

Julie