Expert: Julie - 3/29/2009

Question
Hi Cindy,
I am 21 and my boyfriend is 25,we have been in a relationship for 5 years.We are very committed to each other.But the only problem is he is a very short-tempered guy and I am the complete opposite.He always takes me for granted,and whenever I try to confront him about it he gets angry and says he wants to break up.But after a while he calls me,apologizing and I take him back.We have been pretty much having an on-off relation and lately I have become very depressed due to all this.The only reason I forgive him is because I know that I cant live without him.But deep down I dont want to feel this way,I want to be free emotionally and sometimes the depth of my feelings for him really scare me.I would really like to be able to live by myself,without him and be happy.
Please help..."

Answer
It feels like you can't live without him but thats not true. You can live without him and if you need to you will. It sounds like dysfunctional relationship and when you tell him your feelings, by him telling you he wants to break up with you shows he has no respect and is only manipulating you.
I've had 4 serious relationships and each time I thought I couldn't live without that guy. Now, I look back and I realize how that emotion is not even true. Although it felt like it at the time, once I let go and started moving on and eventually got over them, I can now look back and think I can't believe I thought I couldn't live without so and so..and now, I barely even think about them at all.
Don't stay in a dysfunctional relationship that no longer makes you happy because of that.

At first during a break up, its difficult and those thoughts are overwhelming but with time you do start feeling better, and realizing your life does go on without that person.

Its better than continually feeling the way you do. People don't change so easily so it sounds like this will only continue giving you more heartache and unhappiness. The way I looked at it is, either I get out now and get it over with, or do it six months, or a year down the road anyways.

good luck

Julie