Expert: Julie - 3/13/2009

Question
hi thanks for taking your time to read this because i really need help. basically i was with my girlfriend for 13 months shes 17 and im 19, we have had our fair share of arguements nothing major but quite a few they only last about a half a day and then we get back together. im going to be honest i did shout at her sometimes because she always found it hard to trust me, i was her first bf  and true love and i told her constantly i will never cheat on her im not that kind of guy i love her with all my heart, which i do but she still couldnt trust me completely so i kept shouting at her and verbally abusing her because of it and other stuff. so i split up with her about a week ago again it only lasted a day and when i tried to get back with her all of a sudden she said she can never love  me and she doesn't want to get back because the way i treated her i begged her that i will change and i told her it wasn't all my fault and they after a while she said ok it was good for that night then the next day it was good in the morning and she went out and i was suppose to meet her and when i called her she said she cant do this so i went to see her and she said she dont love me any more she cant be with me, but she said there is no other guy. it has been the second day we have not been together i cant cope i am finding it extremely difficult i cant stop thing her and the amount of heartache is unbelievable i love her so much but she says she is not even sad and she cant see us ever getting back together but she talks to me very nicely and wants to be friends and so, so what im trying to ask is can someone just stop loving someone just like that especially as i was her first boyfriend and true love as she said, we use to be together all the time i left my friends for her  we use to speak on the phone every single night and now  she says she doesn't care anymore but if its meant to happen then it will happen in 5 or 10 years or whatever.
thank you

Answer
I don't think someone who really loved you and was with you that long can just switch the feelings off. It sounds more like she just got frustrated with the way things were going, especially with that much fighting going on that it probably has made her feel like she stopped caring. She's probably just fed up.

Its very hard, but you have to give her space right now. If she says she doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with her, don't question it. Just try to accept it for now or you'll just end up pushing her away.

For now if you can handle being friends..then continue to do so, or if its too hard, I say no contact is best. It gives her a chance to heal and see what she really feels or misses you. And it gives you a chance to start healing as well.

Good luck

Julie