Expert: Julie - 3/6/2009

Question
i have been with her for 14yrs now we are seperated she said she did not trust me and that i lied to her about checking up on her. she said she did not have the energy to work at it anymore. now i have found out she as been cheating on me and lying to me for about 5 months now and she is bad mouthing me to her friends,saying i am no good,inmature,jealous,of my rocker all kinds of bad things,and she says i am the problem,she been misrable for years. i do not understand why she is doing this, i still love her and would love to have her back,what do i do, iam hurt

Answer
Wow she really tried to turn things around on you didn't she? Honestly, she's probably saying all this stuff to take the focus off of herself for being the one who was cheating and making YOU look bad. I had an ex who did that. He kept telling people I was the bad one and crazy, and immature...when really it was him, and I found out he was cheating on me. Justifying what he did so no one thought he was in the wrong for doing what he did.

I understand you still love her and that this is hard but do you really want someone like that back in your life?? Would you be able to trust her again? If you can ask yourself these questions and answer without letting the emotions get in the way, I am willing to bet it wouldn't be worth it. What she did and is doing is very cruel and immature.

If you do really want her back, I'm afraid theres really not much you can do though, sounds like if she's talking badly about you, that she doesn't want much to do with you at this point.
Don't call or contact her, that'll just make the situation worse. Just leave things for now and if she wants to be petty and mean, try to ignore it, it hurts but theres nothing you can do if she is choosing to be this way.

Good luck

Julie