Expert: Julie - 3/22/2009

Question
Dear Julie,

A little over a week ago my girl friend broke up with me.  It came out of no where, and I was so happy with our relationship.  We had been practically dating for 8-9 months and I thought everything was great.  I was happier with this girl than I have ever been with any other girl and I honestly can say I love her.  The reason we broke up....I didn't show her enough appreciation.  It wasn't that I did not appreciate her, but the fact I did not express what I felt as much as she would like.  I had no idea she wanted me to tell her how I felt all the time until she broke up with me for not doing it enough.  Ever since then I tell her how I feel and how I felt while we were dating. She tells me it is very hard to hear these things because I never said them to her before.  Being a guy I don't pick up on subtle hints that she might need to hear these things, and if I knew she needed to hear these things I would have told her long before now.  I just never knew she needed to hear these things.  She means the world to me and I just want her to know that what I'm telling her is genuine and I'm not saying just to say it but because I truly mean it.  She tells me she still has feelings for me and we have kissed on multiple occasions since we have broken up.  She says she is confused about how she feels, but she tells me she misses me, she still feels something when we kiss, and she has a lot of fun hanging out with me.  I'm getting so confused and I am so desperate to get her back.  I will do anything and everything I can to get her back.  She has told me she needs time to think about things and she just is really confused about stuff (mainly the fact I am telling her how I feel now when I never had before).  I want to give her space and time to think about things, but I just feel like if I don't keep pursuing her I will lose her by not showing that I care.  I need advice because I have never felt this way about a girl.

Martin

Answer
Well for starters, its not fair that she just broke up with you without telling you the problems beforehand..she can't assume your a mindreader, because no one is. I remember an ex breaking up with me once because "I shouldve just known, its common sense" well unfortunatly for me, I DIDNT know.
So communication is obviously very important.

On the contrary, if you keep pursing her, you might end up pushing her away. I'm sure she knows you care, and if your gonna pursue her,  be a little more subtle about it. People usually want what they can't have, and its true. But Ive known way too many people push someone away by constantly pursuing them so be careful..

Good luck.. Julie