Expert: Julie - 4/20/2009

Question
I am a member of A.A. and was attracted to a woman for some time I saw in meetings. Let me say that I am 56, divorced, and she is 50ish and divorced too. For a long time I thought that she was "out of my league", then when I would say hi to her she seemed receptive to me. I finally asked her out and we had a great time together, laughed a lot, connected in a lot of ways, we kissed after our second date, talked during the week and took a walk together. She was married to a fairly wealthy man before me and, although I'm not a deadbeat by any means,(I have a steady job and make about $50,000 a year) I'm not nearly as well off as he was. I brought up the subject of money with her and asked her if it was a problem that I don't make as much as her ex did, and, she said yes it was. I don't blame her for feeling a need for financial security but it seemed like she really liked me for who I was. She is the oldest of her siblings and I am the youngest and I joked with her that I would show her how to have fun and seriously, we both laughed more than we have in years with each other. She told me she also was going to talk about that so she was glad I brought it up because we both knew if we continued to do some of the things we were doing we were going to get physical with each other and that brings it to a whole new level. She was really nice about it but I still felt hurt and we both cried about it because from a personal standpoint, we like each other a lot. I don't understand this other than to say that very often, reality sucks. Is she just scared? Did we get too close too soon?

Answer
Hard to say why she pulled away, there could be various reasons, I don't really think it would be for financial because if she truly likes you it wouldn't or shouldn't get in the way. Maybe she thinks its too soon or maybe she's not ready yet. If you want just take things slow with her, continue being her friend if it doesn't bother you and see where it leads, but don't pressure her for more..let it be up to her.

Good luck!

Julie