Expert: Julie - 4/1/2009

Question
I have been with my partner for little over 3 years, all in all we enjoy each others company until we start talking about moving our relationship further along.  Meaning being more involved in each other's life, spending time with each others friends and family and people we care about.
We live such separate lives, to be fair we also have demanding work schedules and lives in separate towns in the same state. We are about 40 miles apart.

He works in 60 miles from where he lives and travels constantly. Many of our disagreements have to do with time. Scheduling time to see one another, doing things together outside of sitting on the couch and watching movies or TV.

He tell me that he would love to do more things together but doesn't because he is just to tired after work.

He has a seven year old son that I have met only once for about 15 minutes. He states that he keeps his son away only because he's not ready for him to be exposed to me, and that bringing another woman around would confuse the little guy.  I respond saying but we have been together for 3 years you know me. He states that he is unsure if I am going to be around and can't risk his son getting hurt.

This really upsets me because I feel that I am a trust-worthy and have with-stood this relationship's ups and downs.

I feel so cheated that has such a hard time letting me in. He stated that he has had girlfriends in the past and even refuses to address me as such. So I call him my partner.

He tells me that he doesn't ask for much only that I respect his wishes regarding his son and be there for him to talk to.

I agree with his wishes because they seem easy enough.

However, we continue to have problems. I am an affectionate person. I love to hold hands, kiss, and cuddle. He on the other hand detest it. Unless we are having sex. Or home alone but if in public he will pull away if i try to hold his hand or snuggle in the movie theaters.

I become upset and he acts like he doesn't understand why I'm upset.

He tells me he needs time to get use this and that Rome wasn't build in a day but I'm really feeling like it time to make some changes otherwise I am seriously considering ending this "love quest".

I am 26 years old he is 38.  I feel the time has come to do something.

We are arguing more, i am starting to feel like i am doing most of the compromising and seeing very little return.

He is a respectful person, we have absolutely zero violence, both of us are gainfully employed in our careers of choice. But he could stand to be more sensitive and understanding of what i need from him.

I don't feel like i am asking for to much or am I?

Any suggestions, unexplored options, methods of improvement will be helpful. I am at my wits ends.

Thank you.

Capri

Answer
It sounds like your not asking for much. You just want what comes naturally in any loving, committed relationship.
I can understand him not wanting you to meet his son if it were the first months of a relationship but its been three years so if he still feels that way, its obvious he doesn't want to commit.

I feel he is making excuses as to why he won't commit to you, its plain and simple, he just doesn't want to commit, all the signs are there. He just likes having someone there when its suits his needs.

You are not getting what you want out of this relationship and it doesn't sound like you are going to with this man. It sounds like you've pretty much done everything but no amount of talking to him about it is going to change how he is unfortunatly (I've been there, and seen others go through it as well)..

So basically your left with accepting things the way they are, or moving on.

good luck

Julie