Expert: Julie - 4/29/2009

Question
I dont understand the mixed signals I am getting from a girl that broke up with me.  3 months after we broke up she invited me on a trip w/ her and some friends and family, I went along thinking maybe she had time to think and wanted to work it out.  The trip went really well, I could see in her eyes she still had a lot of feelings for me, she even woke up one night at 3am and sat on my bed and gave me a hug.  The whole next week, we spoke everyday, just small talk back and forth, kind of catching up with each other.  Then out of no where she sends me an email totally contradicting her actions from the previous week saying things like can we do things together and not be in a relationship?  I would love to be able to pack up and do the things we love together.  I was caught off guard by this and said I feel that would only lead to confusion at this point and that it is probably not a good idea.  Couple weeks go by w/o any contact, some friends and I were at a local bar and she comes in w/ her friends.  I catch a glance from her, the same one I was used to seeing from her for 3 yrs.  About an hour later I went to another room to use the phone and looking back at where she and her friends are sitting, I notice she is crying to one of her friends and glancing my way.  The rest of the night I continue to catch her looking my way, when we are ready to leave I walked by her and say goodnight.  It has now been two weeks since that happened and I have not heard anything from her??

Answer
That does sound like she's giving you mixed signals. IT sounds like she still has strong feelings but isn't sure she really wants a relationship. Maybe she feels you don't feel the same way.
The thing is do you really want to do things with her and not be in a relationship? That just makes it hard for you but only you know if you can handle that. Next time she calls, talk to her and ask her what exactly does she want. Let her know you would like to be in a relationship but understand if she doesn't, that way at least you are leaving the door open a bit there. And then go from there.

Good luck!

Julie