Expert: Julie - 4/25/2009

Question
hiya this is going to be a long and tough one. im 17 nearly 18 me and my boyfriend have been together for about nine/ten months. i really love and care for him but sometimes he really gets to me. he is borderline autistic which makes him need to understand every little thing. its not really that that bothers me its the fact hes possesive im not allowed to mention any lads ive been out with or got any history with. when we argue he gets really mad he has smashed windows and in the start of our relationship he has pushed me and strangled me but i have slapped hm a few times too so he isnt all to blame he has smashed windows and called me every name under the sun. he has never laid a finger on me since the 3 month mark i dont think he will ever again. i think he just needs help. im just wondering should we stay together as iv also found out im 8 weeks pregnant can you give me any advice?

Answer
Hi Camilla,

I would leave him. If he's possessive and abusive its not going to just end now, even if things have been fine for three months. Guys (or girls) who abuse, don't just stop, it continues and its a cycle that will keep repeating itself and probably get worse over time. The thing you might also want to consider is your also pregnant. He won't change because of that or when the baby is born either. It won't be a good environment to raise a child, believe me.

Even if he goes for help it might be years before you see any significant changes in him..but thats even with help.

Its up to you but I've been in this situation before and it doesn't get better, it just gets worse. I've seen my best friend and sister marry men like this and it hasn't gotten better either. Having a child or getting married DOES NOT change things for the better in fact it changes for the worse.

I wish you all the best,

Julie