Expert: Julie - 4/15/2009

Question
My girlfriend of 2 years and 3 months brokeup with me last wednesday. First she went on a break with me in february she hung out with a coworker she had liked but then got back together with me saying they had no chemistry and that she missed me, she broke up with me later in march then got back together saying she missed me. She breaks up with me last week (april) says that she wasnt happy since we got back together last time because i have some anger issues that i never got dealt with when i had said i would and that she also wanted to be single and mingle.She also said that the other times she had gotten back with me were because she felt bad for me and didnt want to hurt me whihc i know is false because she called me in the early morning telling me she missed me and wanted me back. She has had past relationsips but all short like a week to 3months being her 2nd longest.We met when she was 17 (she was a virgin and i was her first) and i was 22 but we fell in love geniunely. I know shes young so im aware that its the whole she wants to see what else is out there.4 days later after the breakup she hangs out with the same guy from work for 3 days in a row, she doesnt see him the next day but talks to him of course and now were back to present day. She said that she knows alot about him and is very close. She says shes that theyre just hanging out as friends for now. she posts myspace bulletins saying shed rather relive a moment of her and him from the other day if she had to (we were crazy and genuinely in love throughout except the last few months so i dont get why she wouldnt have chosen an earlier memory of us). I really want her back but i know i shouldnt wait because of the crap shes put me through. shes amazing really i love everything about her so dont tell me theirs other fish in the sea bs please. I already am aware of that, i just really am in love with her and the person that she is. This whole time since the breakup i havent stopped talking to her and textng her. I know i need to give her space but i havent been able to help it.I am going to stop as of today because im only making things worse. Does it sound like shes rushing into things with this dude? will it fail? I dont want a relationship for a lil while now so im still waiting at the same time.

Answer
Hi Jimmy,

Trust me, I hate it when someone and I break up and they tell me theres other fish in the sea too..
especially when your in love with someone still and want them back.

Well as you've noticed, talking to her or texting her doesn't help matters at all, it just pushes someone away. So I'm glad you decided to take the step to give her space.

It does sound like she's rushing into things with this other guy but to her right now she probably thinks its the right thing to do. Its hard to say if it will fail or not. I understand that you are waiting at the same time but don't wait to the point where you give up on moving on at the same time in case she doesn't come back.
I don't suggest going out dating either, especially if your not ready for it.
Just give yourself some time and try to move on with your life in the meantime, even if its hard. That way if she doesn't come back, you won't feel like you have to go through a breakup all over again, been there, done that.
In one of my break ups I still 'waited' for my ex to see if he'd change his mind and come back. But in the meantime, I did the no contact, and still went out and did things. While I was out there doing things months later I actually found someone I liked, good thing too cause my ex never did come back. So thats what I mean by go out and do things and move on. But don't live with false hope because thats not healthy either.

good luck

Julie