Expert: Julie - 4/10/2009

Question
Dear Julie,

I am 18, and there is this 19 year old boy with whom I have been hopelessly in love with for the past year and a half. I met him my junior year, and although we are both shy people, we've connected on a very deep level, through the internet and over the summer, when we saw each other when we could.  He has never kissed me, but he almost did, and only stopped because he was afraid that we would miss each other too much when he is away at college.

It is now my senior year, and he is away at college. I haven't been able to see him much because our "relationship" which was never official is kept secret from our parents and most of our friends. and he has been very busy the past few months, and has not been keeping in touch with me.  I was very frustrated with this, but just when I was all ready to let him go, he wrote me this huge email talking about how he feels like we've been drifting apart and then he told me some interesting things that happened to him as an attempt to catch up.

i forgave him instantly, like i said, i love this boy--he's so unique and honest and has so many qualities that i like, although he can be insensitive at times.  

but i need to know simply whether i'm too obsessed with him.  I don't know if my feelings are normal--i've been thinking about him everyday ever since we've become close--he is both my waking and sleeping thoughts. whenever i'm alone, i think about him, check his facebook, reread emails, daydream about the summer, etc.  whenever he acts cold toward me, i tear up, i can't concentrate on my work, and i write poems to ease the pain i feel. i miss him so much, and even though we're going to the same college next year, i feel as if the months in between are too hard to bear.  are my feelings too extreme/creepy? and what should i do to ease them and help me concentrate on my work again?

Answer
I'd say your a little obsessed but its getting too much in the way of your life. You need to stop focusing so much on him. Try to focus on other things, and everytime you start focusing on him, immediately refocus on something else. Whether its work, friends, anything...you need to find things that make you happy, and start doing them because its unhealthy to obsess this much over any one person. I've been apart myself from a guy I love as well, and its hard and I know how it is. But I also focus a lot on other things in my life, and make a point of going out with my friends and having fun with them. Thats what you need to start doing.
It might not happen at first but little by little, the harder you try, it will work trust me.

Good luck!!

Julie