Expert: Julie - 4/27/2009

Question
hello, i am 18 years old.
I have been dating a girl for about five months now, well it just ended this week, and this was the girl of my dreams, I've never met anyone close to her caliber. She was in a really unhealthy relationship before me in her old town before she moved here. She described it as so forced and fake that it was like "sucking her soul out." These past four months have been the best of my life. This past week we had an incredible amount of work to do and i started to back off a little and give her some space. I stopped walking her to her car, visits were short because i didn't want to take up all her time. I never felt any different toward her and did this only because i care about her so much. She decided we should break up after that week because she felt the relationship was starting to feel forced. I talked to her friends and they said that it was terribly hard for her to do because she still likes me a terrible amount and doesn't want to hurt me because there wasn't something that i did wrong, other than back off i guess. But she thinks that it was nothing i did. I have been beating myself up about this and really want her back. I have talked to her friends and they say that she is still sad. I have talked to her about his trying to say that a week shouldn't kill what we have. We never had a single fight and she said that it was the happiest she has been. I want her back but i know that talking about it wont do anything. I need her to come back to me. I think i am going to have a small thing at my house in a week and invite her, I'm going to BBQ some stuff and build a fire, and be as personable as i can. Is this the best thing to do? Am i wasting my time trying to do this? I want her back and i think that the circumstances that we broke up were bad. Life goes on i know but i don't know what to do with myself during the day now that we are done with school, the day seems so long and i would rather just sleep all day. What should i do?

Answer
You can try to be her friend and see how she takes that..with the bbq you are planning on having and be personable to her but don't try to force anything else like a relationship or trying to get back together..let her come to that on her own, because you don't want to push her away. But until she gets over what she is going through you need to give her some space, maybe let her know how you feel and that you'd like to be with her again so she knows where you stand. But the rest is up to her.

I know its hard, especially when you don't have much to do during the day, have you thought about getting a part time job to keep busy? Is there any friends you can spend some time with?? Try to fill that time as much as you can so your not constantly thinking about her and being depressed, it will just make it worse.

Good luck!

Julie