Expert: Julie - 4/22/2009

Question
I dated this guy for a year. He admitted he had watched me, not stalkerish but noticed for 8 months me in the gym. One night out at the club he came up to me saying i went to the same gym and he thought i was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. Then left. It took another month or so for me to finally approach him.

However we did start dating. Fell in love. It felt great but we began arguing and he would breakup with me every week. However would cry the next morning to get me back, it was like clock work.

Soon our relationship ost its "title" and we still saw each other but the commitment was gone. However neither saw other people until recently.

We continued on with the sex and hanging out but maybe once a week every two?. But given he broke things off i never ever text or call him. He always contacts me first.He admits that he looks at my myspace page daily, though it is private, he can still see my pic and mood/status. He text me out of know where telling me I was so f*ckin beautiful the other day. I asked where that came from and he said he had just looked at my profile and the pic is amazing.

I love this guy alot.He broke my heart and everytime I tried to move on he would tell me he wont lose me to someone else etc.

Recently I told him I had started to talk to someone else. He had been contacting me everyday until a day ago when I told him. Now its been two days. Sometimes you think well if he thinks your with someone else he may come to his senses. I hope I didnt ruin things, I really hope he will show his love through actions now. Im very torn.

Im not sure what to do. I really dont think its possible I could be happy with someone else right now though I wouldnt make that visible to him. I know he doesnt want me with someone else but how do I know that he is done with us? Its clear he is not "over" me at least how i see it.

Thanks so much.

Answer
I think you need to continue doing what your doing, don't talk to him, don't text him and just try to keep moving on. Its hard but you both have been broken up and still keeping each other around because you still have feelings for each other. And if he still has feelings for you, he won't want you with someone else, but if he's not wanting to be back with you, then theres not much he's able to do about you being with someone else. Maybe after some more time of him thinking your with someone else, he'll come back or maybe he will just move on. But either way, theres nothing you can do to make him want you back. Thats going to be entirely his decision.

Try to keep moving on, I know its hard to imagine being happy with someone else right now but you need to take some time to heal.
Don't allow him to keep stringing you along as this prolongs the healing process. If he really doesn't want you with anyone else, if he really still loves you, he'll come back on his own. As long as he knows he still has a part of you then he'll get comfortable and not worry too much about trying to get you back.

Good luck!

Julie