Expert: Julie - 5/18/2009

Question
I met this girl (she is 19, I am 27) about 2 months ago and we hit it off right off the bat.  I find out about 2 weeks in that I'm being transferred to another state for work.  We still go out 2 more times and things just seem to get better.  After about a month, I head to my new city for a visit to look for an apt, etc.  When I get back, she suddenly becomes unavailable.  She doesn't answer calls or reply to texts for the next 2 weeks.  So I let her be and a few days before I’m supposed to leave, she texts me saying I never talk to her anymore.  So we start texting that day and I get this weird feeling from her so I ask her if she is seeing someone.  She keeps deflecting and that’s when I figure that she is and that is when she finally admits that she is involved and that it happened after I left.  Her reason was that she did not want to start anything because I was leaving.  She thinks I might not want to talk to her anymore and is upset over it...
We talked a few days later and said the friend thing was probably best now and that we should at least meet one more time before I go (it’s been about a month).  Long story short, she ends up “passing out” which makes me wonder if she really wanted to see me even though she was the one that really wanted to meet up...  So I leave for good and don’t contact her for another couple days.  Then she starts writing on my facebook wall and suggests that she might be visiting in a month, but she has a boyfriend now...  She also writes that she will call me later, but never does and instead just writes on my facebook again.  
I know we haven’t really been seeing each other that long, but the way she broke up with me is just confusing and it’s driving me crazy.  We really clicked and I just don’t understand why would she just suddenly become unavailable and continue to be so even after we decide to just do the friend thing?  Why is she being so distant and vague about this breakup?  It’s like a switch in her head went off while I took that trip, and now she’s a totally different person.  I’m really fighting myself to not call her and just ask her straight up.


Answer
Well you may never get the answer out of her.
She probably decided for whatever reason that she just didnt' think you were right for her, and didn't know how to break it off, and if she didn't really give an explanation, I'd just leave it at that, and not call or contact her. If she does talk to you and you feel inclined to ask her about it, its just better to ask simply what went wrong. If she won't give you a straight answer, then leave it. She probably doesn't want to tell you what happened to spare your feelings and not hurt you.

Good luck

Julie