Expert: Julie - 5/19/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi Julie, My ex broke up with me 4 and 1/2 month ago and we have no contact for about 3 and 1/2 month up to now, i asked for no contact because i felt painful whenever we contacted to each other, he tried to contact me many times during the first month but i rarely replied. then later when i told him i didn't want any contact with him so i could heal and move on, he accepted with that and since then he disappeared from my yahoo messenger and never contacted me again. on the second month of no contact, i sent him a message said congratulation on his graduation day, he replied immediately, saying that he missed me every day, and felt really warm when received my mesg but then he told me that he still respect my wish for no contact and wished me all the best with all of my subjects at uni, i was so confused with his mesg and felt hurt so once again i used no contact, another one and 1/2 month after that now i receive a email from him asking me to join his face book. What should i do? should i join his face book? I still love him and miss him and want to rekindle our love but I don't know that he wanted to reconnect with me because he miss me or his email system just automatically sent the invitation to my address. What should i do in this case? I worry that if we go no contact for too long he may forget about me? but i really don't want to become his friend right now because i felt hurt.

ANSWER: If this breakup is still painful I would avoid joining his facebook. What if you see pictures of him with other girls? I know of lots of people who keep exes on their facebook and its never ever a good thing. Alls it will do is set you back..especially when you go into the page and see they are seeing someone else.

Let me tell you this, if you both are going through no contact, he won't get over you or forget about you that easy. When my ex and I went through a break up we did no contact for 8 months but I didn't forget him or anything, I still loved him and thought about him all the time.
thing is, if he wanted to rekindle your love, he would have made the move to do it by now.
He probably added you because he wanted to keep in touch..but trust me, it'll just bring back more pain and it'll be harder to move on. Id leave it for now.

good luck

Julie

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks Julie, for replying to me. I still feel a lot of pain right now. I really love and don't want to lose him. I still keep on no contact because it helps me to heal quicker as last time after I contacted him, I did cry and felt really hurt the following days, but I also know that no contact won't help to bring back the ex either. What should I do to rekindle our love before it too late?

ANSWER: Well the question is, do you think he wants to rekindle the love?? If I were you, to be sure, I would try to talk to him and let him know how you feel about him and that you would like to try to work things out and leave it at that. See what he says. At least he'll know you are open to trying again. Either he will decide he wants you back and will let you know..or he'll let you know he doesn't want to get back together. Thats what I would do. But you need to be prepared for his answer because if hes not ready, and he tells you..its going to hurt a lot. He may even shut you out. So you need to be prepared for all possibilities.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Julie, since last time i asked you i didn't contact my ex as i thought it would more hurt if he said that he was not ready. However, two days ago i received a message from him said that he knew I would have the exams very soon so he just wanted to wish me good luck, I reply to him "thank you. it's nice suprise to receive your mesg", since then i haven't heard anything from him, he was just disappear again. I just would like to know that why did he contact me again and wished me good luck? is it mean that he still concern about me and want to rekindle our love or he just wanted to show his kindness toward me only? What should i do to bring him back or i just let him go? Did i nourish the fault hope inside myself after received his measg. Thank you a lot for your time.

Answer
From the sounds of it, it sounds like he's just being kind to you..but doesn't sound like he wants to rekindle things at all.
I know when we are the ones being broken up with, that we have a lot of hope, and anything they say or do, brings more hope..
But don't read too much into it, unfortunatly that false hope just keeps us in pain and unable to move on.
Its better to just let it go..lets say you let him go..move on and he decides down the road he wants to get back together, then you can decide if its something you still want. But lets say he never wants to get back together, then you just wasted more time when you could've been already moving on.