Expert: Julie - 5/3/2009

Question
Hi Julie

I was with my now ex-boyfriend for 7 months. We didn't have the smoothest relationship. In the beginning, he was still in contact with his ex and they would often be together " as friends"

Anyway, in about January, she kinda disappeared and things started going well. He was never the most romantic guy...i mean we never really went on dates or did romantic things. And that is what i love. I use to ask him if we could go to the park, or go for a walk. cinemas etc. But he never really fancied it.

Anyway, in the last month or so we had some real problems. He started not answering the phone when i called, or when when we did speak it would consist of me just asking him how he was and i would get one word answers.

HE swore blind that nothing was wrong and that he was just busy. But it continued and continued...

Last monday he was suppose to come round to my house. About an hour after he said he was on his way (he lives 20 minutes from me) i called and called. For the next 3 hours i was trying to get through to him but his phone kept on going to voicemail. So i started to worry about him...

I went to his house. Now i saw a car that looked very much like his ex's car but i wasn't too sure it was hers. Anyway, i knocked on the door...no answer. As i was about to drive off i saw his bathroom light come on....i then got a call and he told me he was at this cousins house and to come pick him up so i drove there to get him and he wasn't even there!

So i put two and two together...he must be there with her. So i rushed back and banged on the door. Eventually he came out and told me that she had come round because her aunt had just died of cancer and she was really upset.....a load of bull!!! I was really angry but he told me that we would deal with it in the morning..(this was at like 4am) and went back up to his flat with her!

I was so angry!! I couldn't believe he had lied to me and then when i was upset told me that we would deal with it later!! the next day he swore blind that nothing was going on with them and that he would have told me the truth if i was a more understanding girlfriend!! To be honest, he didn't even seem that bothered by it and was only saying sorry because he had got caught!

Anyway, after this happened nothing changed. He made no effort to make it up to me, in fact he carried on not calling me or answering his phone!!

So i broke up with him last night. I really couldn't go on with the relationship being the way it was and he just said ok...literally that was it!

He said he was tired of going back and forth and that I'm too needy and that he thinks it a good idea that we don't speak...

Now, i know this is probably because he is back with his ex and that is why he has been acting weird and now not bothered that we are not together. And i really know he is not crying over it so why am i!!

I just want to stop caring about him! All i do is think about him and the situation. I know that he really isn't losing sleep over anything but yet i sleep for a bit, cry and thats it! I really need to find a way of getting over him...i know he his an asshole but yet i still care...

Answer
Well its only been a day or two since you broke up and its hard to move on that fast unfortunatly. But if you do want to speed it up its better to just completely stop contact with him.
And don't obsess about it at all...

It does take time to get over someone, and I know you want to fast because its painful and also you know he's not losing any sleep over it but you can't force it unfortunatly.

Just focus on yourself now and everytime you start to think about him, try to focus on something else.
And no matter what, don't contact him or look at any social network sites he's involved in.

Thats the best you can do to get over someone the faster way. but its still gonna take time..it took me a couple of months to get over someone who treated me like crap and who was a complete jerk.

Julie