Expert: Julie - 5/19/2009

Question
Recently. my boyfriend and i of a year and a half broke up. It happened after a fight we had where the same issue came up which just added fuel to the fire. We agreed that we cant communicate and tell each other our feelings without causing an argument. He also blames me for not being able to trust him and be so insecure with it not true but he will do so to just not feel guilty. I avoided contact with him until he smsed me first and said i must please not egnore him and he still wants me in his life. I told him i cant do anything right now as i am trying to deal with it and he said he is hurting so much but doesnt want it to be bad before he leaves for England which is in 2 weeks. We really love each other so much and he has admitted his feelings to me. We both agreed that mayb the time away is good (hes going for 2 and a bit months) and that when he gets back we can try again. This is kind of hard to deal with and im kind of stuck not nowing what to do. I want to move on but its hard because we both love each other so much still that we both now exactly how we feeling. HE says that it is better as if we had these issues while he was away it would have been way worse and that we cant be like back together and happy again because it will just make it worse before he goes. Im laying low and not going out as much just until he leaves. I do no not want to be on bad terms before he goes but i still need time.

It is just so hard to get over and put out of my mind when i know we still want to be together but circumstances wont let us. Please help :(

Answer
Yes that is a very hard situation. And very frustrating.

If he really believes it is better to be apart for now then theres nothing you can do to change his mind. Its up to you if you want to move on in the meantime or hope things work out when he gets back, but you can't rely on that because theres always that chance he won't want to work things out so you need to do what you feel is best for you. It is hard to move on and right now its really hard but just take it one day at a time, its out of your control anyways. Personally I would try my best to move in, and it will be easier as the days go by while he's gone.

The time apart could also be really good for you guys as it might make you guys miss each other and realize what went wrong and how to fix it, and work on those issues within yourselves..so you never know but don't live with the false hope or you will be devastated if things don't work out.

Good luck

Julie