Expert: Julie - 5/30/2009

Question
Hi Julie, well my story is too long but would try to cut it short as possible...i cant understand exactly wat went wrng...

i was with this gurl whom i used to wrk with...at tht moment i didnt had any interst in her at all...but i always used to joke and mock her all the tym....then i went for my OE ..during tht tym i neva thought abt her...she was just lyk a wrk collegue thats all...but slowly i started getting emails from her very often..i was on my OE for 2 years..and whenever i used to go back hme...she always wanted to ctch wid me...once at valentine's day she msged me tht she waiting for sme kind of gift for ....i was very shocked at tht stage...but just ignored it...there wer many instances she made me feel tht she liked me...i returned bck hme afta 2 years to run my uncles business...as a person i m very ambtious and motivated...as she was in same city...she used to txt me and i used to reply her back..and it was always her who txt me first or email me first...well one day in joke i told her sumthing n she was upset wid me for a long time...then when i started missing her a lot..she neva replied to my txt or emails...i ws feeling bad abt it...then one day i approached one of our common frnd...and then wen things got smoother n we wre together..i told her my feeling..afta a long thought afta few days she had feeling for me too...i knew it was gona be serious relationship..as i knew her.

well things were going very smoothly till her best mate cme into the picture...my gf used to tell me everything abt her mate n her bf n their problems...at tht tym i told her if we got any problems at later stage we wll sit and talk and solve them, which she agreed upon. we had good times...sometimes we used to have small fight but wre sorted. k to cut the story short....she used to go wid her friend for night out...which was fine wid me..but one sat i was expecting her to c me but she didnt and i saw her in the town wid her frnd..i ws bit upset and we had a fight that nite and she cme nxt mring and begged in front of me not to leave her and i said thts fine..i know there was nothing wrong...it was jst me who was jealous. although she did admit tht she was drinking wid some strangers. wel again nxt wknd she went out wid her frnd and same thing happened.. i came to know the one of the strangers kept on txting her and calling her...also came to know tht she asked him that does bf n gf c each othr everyday..to wich the stranger replied that even married ppl donn c each other...we had a argument abt it...she said sori to me for askng stranger such question..i knew though something was cmng..she said her frnd lst wknd in twn and she wanns to go out..i was k wid it and only requested her not to drink n drive..bcos i reali cared abt her...when i woke up nxt mrning..i found txt saying "cum"..i was worried if she was alrite..i cld hr and found she was vry tired and asleep..then i asked her y she txt me like tht?? she was not able to answer as she was tired n cme in the morning...i asked her how she went home??? she told me some boi's left her home. i reali got furious which i should have bt i did..she hung up on me..then i realised tht i should hve done tht..whole day i was upset so i tured off my cell phone...she txt me 3 times and apologised fr the morning..i didnt reply...nxt day i replied her but ther was no reply from her...i was getting impatient. so called her but she was not picking up the fone. i went to her house (which was a big mistake) and asked her..she said she was wid tht guy (stranger)..i was getting mad..she also said she was all over him other nite when she got drunk..i didnt understand wat was happening and was getting mad...she asked me to get out of her house. nxt day i apologized to her but she wanted some space..i asked her if we will be together but she said may be but she needs sometime. i was getting restless as i used to c her almost everyday and now she is doing this to me...for 3-5 days i kept on apologizing her but she was not listening. so i thought of giving her a break..i went overseas for 2 weeks. before going she agreed to meet me...at tht time i asked her if everything is alrite and if we can forget the past..to which she agreed and we hugged each other..she said sorri to me for everything tht happened. i thought everything was sorted and was happi. her best mate txt me too and said she was happi tht we back together.. even at airport she txt me tht she cant wait to c me soon. i went overseas and txt her and called her but no reply. i found it very strange. those 14 days were worst day for me...i was restless all the time. before going back..i emailed her and she did reply but thn said it was not working out. i emailed her telling her all about our past. The she said k we can try again. i was happi but then she wanted to c me when i came back. first thing i did afta cmng bck was cing her...when we met, she said there wre no more feeling from her..i was shocked but then as mad person asked her y and wat was the reason..she kept on saying donn knw..i wouldnt have got mad if she told me the exact reason. well i was very upset. At the end she asked if we can be jst frnds..to wich i had to agree. well afta she went home she txt me again saying we will be together one day..i was confused again. y she doing this..well i just ignored it. nxt day i emailed her with apology, if i have done anthing wrong and would always be there to help her as a friend. well nxt day was wknd...i saw her with a guy driving her car. i was upset if it was the same stranger guy..so i txt her getting angry...and emailed her later tht she didnt even deserve to be my frnd...

so ya i realize that i have done some mistakes as well..but how can you go out and have fun straight after break up..donn u feel bit awkward. i donn know..

when our realtionship was going great..she told me so many thing tht made me more close to her day by day..

but i do realize i have made many mistakes too...

but i wann to know if u love some one truly..wont u forgive them afta doing so much of begging n pleading..

i wnt to know julie..wont be she thinking abt me at all...how would i feel and wat happning wid me etc. it has been 3 months i still think abt her everyday..

bcos of this it has affected my professional and personal life a lot.
how can some one jst forget abt some one so easily n quickly and move on...

i still do love her n miss her..i tried to forget abt her but its very hard..

she always send me mixed singals wich made me crazy..

well havnt talked to her at all for 3 months.

please advice..wat you think reason for this break up.

Answer
Its plain and simple, she isnt ready for a boyfriend from the sounds of it. Sounds to me like she just wants to play the field right now. if she truly loved you and wanted to be with you she would not have been hanging out with other guys and would've made a lot more effort to work things out with you. But from the sounds of it, she just didn't want that. I know how hard it is but you just gotta let it go now and move on.

Julie