Expert: Julie - 5/2/2009

Question
hello, i am 18 years old, i asked a question about a week ago, i dont know if you rember me or not. Anyway in case you dont, this girl and i broke up a little more than a week ago becuase the relationship was "forced" for a few days. She had a "forced" relationship before me that was very painful for about two years and i think as soon as we hit a bump a red flag went up and she ended the relationship. I was not at all prepared for this, it was totally out of the blue. We had been going out for about five months and i can safely say that i love this girl. After a letter and a few talks about this with her, i stopped communication and went about my normal life as if nothing was the matter. A few days later, she called and asked to see me. She came over and basically just said how much she missed my friendship and just that when i am ready to be friends again she will be here for me, basically just said that she missed me a lot. I missed her too, alot. I didnt talk to her until yesturday (friday) when i called to get coffee, we had a nice time, real casual, didnt bring up relationship stuff at all. It felt great to be with her again but also very sad that i couldnt hug her when i wanted to, her perfume reminded me of old times. I was goin on a hike and she came with me. I had a great time, there was never any break in conversation and she told me how happy she was to be doing this. Later she sent a text saying how good it was to see me. We were planning on going to europe this summer and she has already gotten all her plane stuff. I would like for her to be able to come becuase it will be the trip of a lifetime and she has already spent all this money. However, after she left, i could only think about her and couldnt enjoy myself at the party my friends and i went to. I want this girl back so bad still. She became one of my best friends on top of the relationship, it was possibly the best 5 months of my life. I guess i am asking what to do from here??? Preferably i would like to get her back, and i would like for her to come to europe with us but i dont know if i can do that becuase i felt so shitty after she left the other day. Any advice would be very helpful.

Answer
Thats the problem with being friends with someone you still have feelings for but who isn't ready to be with you again, its frustrating.
Its going to be extremely hard for you to move on if you keep seeing her as a friend though, because your always gonna want more from her and then when she leaves, your going to feel empty.

If possible try to avoid being her friend for now. I personally wouldn't want her coming to Europe as a friend because spending all that time with her only to have her go back to her own life after is going to be really really rough for you. But its up to you.

Unfortunatly the ball is in her court. You want her back but don't know how she feels. Its unfair in these types of situations, because you feel helpless since she's the one who left. But alls you can do is try to continue moving on..and if she decides to come around, then great. If not, then at least you haven't wasted time and energy on her and then having to start over with the break up process.