Expert: Dana Q - 5/26/2009

Question
I have been with my boyfriend for four years and we are still very much in love.  Three years ago we broke up when I moved away for work and his response was to buy a very big bike!  Six months after the break up, he had a massive bike accident and having visited him in hospital we decided to get back together. For six months I cared for and supported him during his stay in hospital and have been with him ever since.  However, his gentle and sweet demeanor has gradually deteriorated (as they say people who have been in accidents do) and having once talked of future, marriage and babies he seems to have lost the ability to discuss a future with me at all!  I have tried to discuss it with him on numerous occasions but he avoids the subject saying that I should live for now and today and that his love for me should be enough.  However, he is 33 and I am 25 and I feel that I at least deserve to know where we are heading after four years together and especially as we love each other so much.  I am concerned that the accident has altered him and that he will never be able to commit to me.  I am not asking for marriage or babies right now, just for some reassurance that we are both on the same page and that he wants me to be apart of his future as much as I do.   Please tell me what I should do, I love him with all my heart and I'm lost?

Answer
Hi Sophie,

Thanks for writing to me.  Since you are still very much in love with your boyfriend, I think you should give couples' counseling a try.  You deserve to know where you're headed and what your boyfriend's true intentions are.  If your boyfriend refuses to go, you can take that as a bad sign of where your relationship is headed.  You may also want to do some research into the nature of your boyfriend's injuries and see if this personality change is a common occurrence.  

Good Luck,

Dana Q