Expert: Julie - 5/28/2009

Question
Why am I still jealous of a guy who cheated on me, used me, abused me, neglected me, ignored me, and lied to me constantly?  I know he is a low life loser but all the girls seem to like him because he is a sweet talker and good looking, even though he doesn't have a job or anything, he lies about everything and gets girls to do ANYTHING for him (including me)!  But recently I decided I finally couldn't take it anymore and am trying my best not to contact him.  But then I see that he is out on MySpace and asking all these sluts to be his friend and they all say hey baby glad to see you out last night, or hey saw you called but I missed it, meaning he is out there actively just trying to get laid!  I mean that's all he cares about!  I almost want there to be some chance that if he calms down we could get back together but at the rate he's going we'll never get back together because he'll end up getting an STD or getting someone pregnant!  I know he's a bad person and has nothing going for him, and I shouldn't want him anyway, but all these other girls believe his lies and treat him like a KING paying for everything of his, doing anything for him.  And he always makes it sound like he is Mr Perfect, not guilty of anything except haters who lie about him.  I would love it if he would realize how good I was to him, but then I need to realize once a cheater, always a cheater, but it feels like he's cheating on me even when we're not dating because he SHOULD be with ME!  I am the one who pushed him away but it's only because he was so BAD to me!  I just don't understand why I feel this way and what I need to do to not be jealous of him out with all these whores, because that's all they are, and they will never be what I was...  But it hurts so bad at the same time to know all these lies he told me, that even if he wanted to get back with me, I don't know if I could do it and ever look at him the same...  It's just I can't get away from the constant reminders of him, and I can't possibly be friends with him but I have to get along for the sake of our son, who he uses pictures of to pick up girls, and I don't even think he deserves to see his son as he normally wants nothing to do with him, but it hurts me so bad to see that he is out with everyone else and neglecting his family just so he can drink and have sex with random girls every night of the week!  I can't stand it!  How do I deal???

Answer
Well this is a bad situation. I was in that situation. My ex was everything your ex was as well..and it was tough to let him go even though I knew he was bad and also bad for me. The thing is he really doesn't care alls he cares about is himself and his selfish needs. He'll never, ever change, even if you guys did get back together.
Even when I finally had it and left mine, and he had a new gf the day we broke up, I was still upset of course, and it was hard to let him go. But the more I focused on telling myself I deserve better, which by the way YOU DO TOO, the more I started to let go. You probably don't even really love him, your just addicted to him. Your giving him way too much power and wasting your energy on him. He does not deserve any of it. It takes time but the more you let go and tell yourself you don't care and remember all the bad things, the easier it will get.
You also need to stop looking at his myspace..that will just fuel your anger.

the thing is, it will get easier, and when it does your gonna look back and realize what a jerk he was and how glad you are to be away from him. I guarantee that.

Good luck

Julie