Expert: Dana Q - 5/25/2009

Question
Hello Dana,

I have been with my girlfriend for going on 4 years in December. We have always been very close and have only been in a couple of fights before, that were very small.

Recently, she has asked for help with a couple of things. I gave my advice on what she should do and I should of stopped there. I became controlling telling her she screwed up if she did something I didn't think was right.

Then one night I blew up on her. I said some things I should have never said. I told her we were both on different pages of our life and we aren't compatible anymore. At the time, i thought I meant it.

It has been 5 days since this fight started and I can't seem to move on. I talked with for the first time last night and explained how sorry I was. She was already accepting that I had broken up with her though and was trying to move on.

This feels like the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. I can't see my future without this girl. She was my everything, my better half.

Should I give her some time to think about things? I really want to tell her that I want to be with her, but I don't think that is what she wants to hear right now. But on the other hand, I feel if i wait too long, there won't be any chance of us ever dating again.

Answer
Hi David,

Thanks for writing to me.  I think you both need time to think.  It has only been 5 days, and you may just be second-guessing yourself.  It's possible that the two of you really aren't compatible anymore.  Give it some more time and see if you are able to move on.  You have already let your girlfriend know how sorry you are, so she should have a sense that you want to be with her.  However, she may need time to consider whether she can be with you again after this argument.  I would recommend taking a few more weeks to see if you can move on; if you can't, I think you will have given your girlfriend enough time and you could contact her again about getting back together.

Good Luck,

Dana Q