Expert: Julie - 5/16/2009

Question
ok so i have posted on here before. last night i tried breaking up again. it didn't go so well. (i am 21 she is 19) she has a lot more maturing to do and i don't know how to tell her this is one of the reasons without getting her all upset. we have been going out for close to 2 and a half years. anyway, i tried again last night, i say why and she says all the right things about how i am wrong. she may be right, but i feel the same. so in the end, i told her i at least need a break. this has not been going well either. i am seeing her monday and Friday because we had previous plans. she assumes that after Friday the break is over. i told her this isn't the case and she got very upset. i am going on a houseboat with friends in 2 weeks, and she is supposed to be coming. i told her i think its best if she didn't come. every time i tell her something she doesn't like. it kills her and the water works come. i feel HORRIBLE and give in. i just don't know what to do. any advice?

Answer
I can tell you right now that the reason she does this is because she sees she gets results..
its like a two year old who has temper tantrums with his mom to get his way in the end..
She will continue to act like this as long as she knows she will get her way. Shes manipulating you.
And you feel horrible but for what? For wanting to do whats best for YOU? You should never feel bad for that. Why keep prolonging the misery just because of her reactions. What about your feelings, arent they important too?
Don't you have a right to happiness??
You need to be strong next time and let her cry or have a tantrum and ignore it the best way you can even if it kills you or she will keep winning this battle.
Once she sees this strategy no longer works she won't pull it on you anymore.
As long as you keep enabling her by giving in all the time, she will never realize what she's doing is wrong and she'll never grow up.
You need to put your foot down and mean it next time.

Good luck