Expert: Michael Freeman - 6/12/2009

Question
My first boyfriend just broke up with me (I’m 19). It was a six month long relationship. He broke up with me, but it was a long time coming and, after the fact, I know it’s a good thing (I had been contemplating it for the past month, but had decided to keep trying. The week prior to the breakup was the best I had felt about our relationship for months) But, I miss him desperately. I mean, how is it fair that you can be best friends with someone for six months, and then, right when you need them the most because you’re so sad because you just went through a break up, you aren’t friends anymore? I just simply miss him. I’m going to see him on Sunday (one week since the breakup) because I’m going to be minutes away from him house anyway for a voice lesson (he lives an hour car ride and a 20 minute ferry ride away from me for the summer). I’m really excited to see him because I miss him so, so much. However, I also miss kissing a lot, so I am a little worried about simply throwing myself at him when I see him, but I think I’ll be fine. But, I‘m just so sad all the time. I think about him all the time (his name is Adam, so I hear it a lot). Even though I know this if for the best because we were so not emotionally compatible… we had such great physical chemistry, and he was such a main part of my life for the past six months. Help? How do I deal with first my break up?

Answer
I'm sorry to hear about your pain. Even though the relationship was only 6 months, the pain can still be intense, especially since it follows a time when you felt good about the relationship.

It's expected that you're going to miss the affection that he provided.  But you're going to have to move on, and look forward to the potential romance that awaits you in your young life.  If possible, I would advise you to not see him if you're both serious about the break-up: There's a very good chance that you will briefly get back together to comfort each other, and then you will find yourself breaking up again.  If you feel you'd like to try again, you should go for it, but just realize that most couples who try again will encounter the same problems that pervaded their first try.

Fortunately, your ex lives over an hour away, which should provide you with the space to heal and move on, once you decide you're ready.  Good luck!  

Your friend,

Mike