AboutJulie Expertise I can answer questions about break ups, and how to move on..I've been through a few of them myself and have learned what to do and what not to do in order to heal, move on, or try to get someone back. No guarantees as each individual is different but I can do my best to help!!
Experience I am a good listener and have helped friends get through break ups, I also have gone through a few myself and know how hard it is..if you just need to vent or need advice, feel free to ask
Question QUESTION: So this started a little later after my boyfriend had a
fight with his parents over me. I don't belong from the
same faith that he and his family does and we always knew
our parents will never accept us. We talked through this
before starting our relationship (>2.5 years ago)
However immediately after the fight he went cold as a rock
about me. He first tried to fight with me over reasons that
never made sense like "you flirt with other men" "you give
your friends more priority than me", "you use me only when
you are bored", things that are so untrue no one on earth
would believe that. Then he started emotionally torturing
me by telling me I'm the worst woman on earth.
Few days later and million tears afterwards he told me he
was just trying to free his love, because he believes in
freeing the person you love the most. I asked why and he
said thats because he knows we are not meant to be
together.
Every time I would put a patch on the hurtful things he'd
do, he would choose an even more painful tactic, like
recently telling me he doesn't believe in love and thinks
life and career is more important than us two.
You won't believe how hurt I am. I get regular panic
attacks now and take anti-anxiety drugs to cope. But I've
invested in this relationship with so much of mine, I can't
seem to leave.
Please advise me what should I do. I count hours when we
are not talking. I can't seem to start a life without him.
Felicity
ANSWER: Well the thing is you are just prolonging the misery and its only gonna get worse. He is trying to do what he can to break up with you and you just keep hanging on which is unhealthy. You CAN start a life without him and you must. This won't go on, either things will continue to get worse or he will just end up breaking up anyways. If you do it at least you will still have your dignity intact. The more you hang on the more you lose his respect, you shouldn't demean yourself this way. You are worth way more than that.
If a boyfriend doesn't want me, I just let them go, its hard but I do it easily cause the way I look at it is, if you don't want me..then leave, good bye..I won't fight for someone who doesn't want me in their life, I deserve a whole lot more.
And so do you.
You deserve someone who will treat you good and who WANTS to be with you, who is proud to be with you and who loves you.
And you really need to believe that too..
Good luck
Julie
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you for such a swift reply Julie! He told me now that
he does love me but he feels like a loser in his
professional and educational life; he believed he would be
way more successful than he is right now. And that
emptiness in his dreams and ambitions have made him
confused and depressed. So I assume his other pressures and
responsibilities have caused him such drastic changes?
And he wants to try again though he himself says he knows I
shouldn't forgive him.
Should I? I want to help him through his difficult time.
Answer If he's asking for forgiveness and he really wants to put in the effort to work things out then its totally up to you but proceed with caution..don't give him any stress or pressure, just try to take things a little slower at first, because if he's unhappy with one huge part of his life it will cause him to be unhappy with everything else so its gonna be a little touchy.
