About Michael Freeman Expertise How to break-up
How to break-up with your girlfriend
How to break-up with your boyfriend
How to deal with a break-up
How to break-up with compassion and kindness
How to leave a codependent relationship
How to deal with a needy partner
How to deal with a demanding partner
How to deal with emotional and psychological abuse
Experience You might call me a "break-up artist."
I've studied psychology and relationships for over 10 years. I have experience counseling men through difficult relationships, and I'm exceptionally knowledgable about how to approach issues of separation and breaking up.
In other words, I help people deal with unhappy relationships.
I have written an ebook on leaving unhealthy relationships titled "A Way Out: A Men's Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships, available on Amazon.com and at: www.LeavingHer.com
Education/Credentials B.A. in the Liberal Arts
M.A. in the social sciences
Question QUESTION: I have been dating a girl for about a month, and things were going very well. She told me she loved me in her sleep, which i heard. I had already fallen for her. I sent a text message the other night "in my sleep and unaware" saying "you totally blew me off" we have not spoken since. I tried explaining, and she said she would call me later through a text message. I have not heard from her except for her telling me not to text her anymore.. She left me hanging with weekend plans we had set. Should I move on? Continue trying to contact her and explain? I can't eat, sleep, or concentrate at work. Was what I did so horrible to justify her not even taking five minutes to talk to me? I did send her multiple text messages and phone calls for the life of me not understanding why i was being ignored. She claims I was so great, wonderful, amazing, and perfect, but she couldn't talk to me about it. It just doesn't make sense. you opinion/advice is greatly appreciated. THANK YOU!
ANSWER: Hi Mike!
Thanks for writing. My advice to you can be summed up in two sentences: 1) You dated her for a month, so she doesn't owe you anything. 2) Stop bothering her and move on.
You can't bully someone into having feelings for you. It doesn't matter what she said in her sleep, or how amazing she once thought you are: She is entitled to stop seeing you, and she doesn't owe you a drawn-out explanation.
Yes, it was rude of her if she made plans and blew you off. However, you can't harass her about it: Just write her off and move on. If you can't eat, sleep or concentrate because of this, then you may have an obsessive mentality -- it might help to see a mental health professional about this.
I have no idea how old you are. If you're only 15, this is no big deal, because you're still learning. But if you're no longer a naive teenager, you need to get a handle on your neediness and aggressive texting and phone calls. Again, she doesn't owe you her attention, and she has a right to ignore you.
In your next relationship (1-month isn't much of a relationship), just chill out -- stop looking for validation that she loves you. In other words, stop smothering her. Sorry to be so harsh, but I'd rather you take these bitter words to heart now rather than suffer in the future.
Good luck!
Michael
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QUESTION: WOW...thank you for the eye opener. This girl said a lot of things that made me believe that she at least owed me some type of explanation. She made all kinds of plans. Introduced me to her family, and was going to take my son and I out for Father's Day. I figured these were all huge steps in a relationship. One night after we went out she got all sensitive about something silly, and left my house. She was nice when she left, and called me 20 min later to aopologize. I answered her call, we talked and she came back. She admitted she was acting "stupid." I felt she could've at least done the same for me. I would/could never completely blow somebody off unless they did something awful to me. It may have been only a month, but it felt like a lot more. She does have some items of mine that I would like to have back. Any suggestions on what to say or how to handle?
ANSWER: Hey again,
Sorry if my resonse was blunt -- I thought it might not have the same impact otherwise. It sounds like things moved really fast -- probably a little too fast, if she was planning on taking your son out and such.
It's good that you wouldn't blow someone off like she did to you, and she definitely SHOULD have said something before leaving, but again, but again, she didn't owe you.
As for your belongings, I would just send her a text or email saying something like, "Sorry if I was acting strange in my texts and calls -- I'll just take the hint and move on. Is there a way I could get my things back?"
That should do it. Unless she's mean or has reason to avoid you, she'll let you get them back.
Good luck!
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QUESTION: Thank you very much...ONE LAST food for thought. and you can sum it up in a one word answer if you wish. She ignored me for a whole day once before cuz she thought I blew her off the night before after a movie date with her and her sister. I didn't kiss her goodnight. After we talked and made up and simply asked this question. "So what happens next time you get upset, are you going to take a day off and think about it?" Her response was "NO" Did she still not owe me an explanation? As far as my belongings, do you think a $300 pair of shades is worth it, or should I let it go? I really don't even care to see her.
Thanks Michael!
Answer Hey again Mike. Just try not to be petty, and do your best to move on. As for the sunglasses, that's pretty expensive. I would send her a postage-paid package with a case for the sunglasses, and just ask her to put them in the case and drop the package in the mail when she gets a chance. Maybe put a note say, "Sorry for how things turned out. I wish you all the best."
