About Michael Freeman Expertise How to break-up
How to break-up with your girlfriend
How to break-up with your boyfriend
How to deal with a break-up
How to break-up with compassion and kindness
How to leave a codependent relationship
How to deal with a needy partner
How to deal with a demanding partner
How to deal with emotional and psychological abuse
Experience You might call me a "break-up artist."
I've studied psychology and relationships for over 10 years. I have experience counseling men through difficult relationships, and I'm exceptionally knowledgable about how to approach issues of separation and breaking up.
In other words, I help people deal with unhappy relationships.
I have written an ebook on leaving unhealthy relationships titled "A Way Out: A Men's Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships, available on Amazon.com and at: www.LeavingHer.com
Education/Credentials B.A. in the Liberal Arts
M.A. in the social sciences
First of all, I personally choose you because I want a strong opinion from a man’s point of view.
I had a break up from a 7year old relationship for 2 years now. During our time, he cheated me 2 times, the first time was with bestfriend, yet I was able to forgive him. Second time was with their office secretary which becomes the mother of his daughter now (but not his wife as they are not yet married). Because of his unfaithfulness I totally decided to forget about him and start to move on. Currently I am in Dubai working and leaving for 2 years. I feel my life is simple, having connected with nobody.
Now the problem is this, my x boyfriend, will call him Mr. X, start to communicate with me. He send me a message asking if I am still mad at him and if we are still friends. Goodness... after a long time... he just come back and pop out from his shell!
My question is, Should I reply to his message or not?
My concerns are:
1. Mr.X just shifted in Saudi Arabia for work and this is his first time to be away from his family. I was thinking he is doing this because he feels lonely and thinks of me as his only person to understand him. And if I will reply, I will give him a change to hurt me again.
2. My girlfriends told me that, Mr.X daughter is very sickly, they always brought the baby to the hospital and the medicine cost a lot. Mr.X mentioned to them that, he is already trying to repent all the bad things he did. He also said that maybe the entire curse goes to his child because he hurt me so much, and maybe that’s one reason why he is coming to me now to ask for forgiveness.
3. If in case I will not reply, I will be hindering the chance for us to be together again. What if he is my soulmate?
I don’t know Michael, as of now I can not think of what any good and best move I will make. I need your strong advice what do you think I should do. If I decided to reply what should I say. I don’t want him to know and feel that I am miserable that I don’t have any relationship after him. To be honest I really wanted to have a boyfriend for this 2 years yet nobody dear I don’t know why? I am still 29yrs old not too old. But I don’t know why life is too cruel on me in the matter of love.
Now, with these details... what can you advice me???
What ever it is...it will be a great help…. thanks in advance.
Janice
Answer Hi Janice,
Sorry in the delay in my answer -- I'm trying to catch-up with these questions. I hear the weather in Dubai is very hot right now (over 100 degrees F!), so please stay cool.
Mr. X repeatedly cheated on you, and you were right to leave him. Now you're trying to make a life for yourself, but are feeling lost and lonely.
I'm not aware of all the cultural differences (I'm writing for the U.S.), so I hope my advice still applies. Please try to reach out to your community -- meet people, and perhaps date a bit. I know it may seem like a big step, especially as you're healing from a hurtful relationship, but if you just reach out a little, people WILL reach back.
As for your concern that Mr. X may be your soul mate: I believe that there isn't just one special person -- we have the opportunity to meet any number of special people who can become our lifelong love.
You are feeling so lonely that you are longing for the person with whom you're most familiar, even though he has a habit of hurting you. It's important that you explore you regain your self-confidence and explore options with other people before you think of going back with Mr. X.
Imagine how you'd feel if you got back together and he cheated again -- you don't want to set yourself up for that pain.
That said, if he is truly regretful, you can consider talking with him, and CAREFULLY exploring possibilities. I would only recommend that you do this AFTER you meet more people, and realize that you have plenty of options when it comes to dating.
By the way, your story reminds me of an episode of an American public radio program called This American Life. In this episode, an Iranian couple living in America separates because of the man's bad behavior, but eventually they reunites. You may find the episode meaningful. You can find the link to the episode below -- it costs 99 cents (USD) on iTunes: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1295
