About Michael Freeman Expertise How to break-up
How to break-up with your girlfriend
How to break-up with your boyfriend
How to deal with a break-up
How to break-up with compassion and kindness
How to leave a codependent relationship
How to deal with a needy partner
How to deal with a demanding partner
How to deal with emotional and psychological abuse
Experience You might call me a "break-up artist."
I've studied psychology and relationships for over 10 years. I have experience counseling men through difficult relationships, and I'm exceptionally knowledgable about how to approach issues of separation and breaking up.
In other words, I help people deal with unhappy relationships.
I have written an ebook on leaving unhealthy relationships titled "A Way Out: A Men's Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships, available on Amazon.com and at: www.LeavingHer.com
Education/Credentials B.A. in the Liberal Arts
M.A. in the social sciences
Question I was in a 3 year relationship. I lived with my girlfriend and things were going well. Recently our best friends broke up and my gf tried to do it a week later but realized she didn't want that. This was after she told me she never wanted to break up. She hasn't seen this friend until recently and the following week, on our 3 year anniversary she broke up with me. She said she needed to find herself... There was no signs or anything. I personally think her friend had some influence on her but she's not easily influenced. I love her with all of my heart and I want her back because there was more to our story. What can I do?
Answer You haven't indicated your ages, but I suspect that your ex and you are somewhat young. Even though she has told you that she "never wanted to break up," she obviously has gone back-and-forth about the relationship for a while. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you -- it just means she's feeling the need to branch out, experience different things, and depart from the life that you two have been living for 3 years.
She's obviously very torn up about the decision, and she probably realizes that you're very hurt. Unfortunately, this scenario is common. Even in your heartbreak, try to realize that there will be a time that you have another partner.
This is the nature of many relationships:
- We meet someone, fall in love, get accustomed to them, and never want to be apart.
- Then they break-up up with you. You have no idea how you're going to deal.
- Time heals the wound, and you meet someone else, and you feel equally in love.
Sometimes you're the person doing the breaking, and sometimes you're the one getting broken.
It's perfectly acceptable that a woman wants to find herself after 3 years -- would you prefer that she doesn't follow her heart in this matter?
The best thing you can do is give yourself some time, and realize that although you really WANT to be with her, you don't NEED to be with her.
Don't beg.
Don't yell.
Don't demand to discuss the break-up 5 hours a week.
Just keep your dignity and try your best to move on. If she ever wants to try again, she will come back to you.
I wish there was something I could give you right now to take away the pain, but I can't. Just treat yourself well, and know that there will be other wonderful women in your life. Good luck.
