About Tim Jones Expertise I can answer any relationship and/or dating questions.
Experience I specialize in the process and mechanisms of love, dating, and relationships. I have over 14 years of professional work in addition to over 17 years of individual dating experience studying the mannerisms and behaviors of people in dating and relationship settings.
Education/Credentials Professional Relationship Counselor
- Professional Sexual Relationship Counselor
Question Idk where to start but this is what i posted up here before and ill update you as to what has happened since.---My girlfriend of 2 years and 3 months brokeup with me last wednesday. First she went on a break with me in february she hung out with a coworker she had liked but then got back together with me saying they had no chemistry and that she missed me, she broke up with me later in march then got back together saying she missed me. She breaks up with me last week (april) says that she wasnt happy since we got back together last time because i have some anger issues that i never got dealt with when i had said i would and that she also wanted to be single and mingle.She also said that the other times she had gotten back with me were because she felt bad for me and didnt want to hurt me whihc i know is false because she called me in the early morning telling me she missed me and wanted me back. She has had past relationsips but all short like a week to 3months being her 2nd longest.We met when she was 17 (she was a virgin and i was her first) and i was 22 but we fell in love geniunely. I know shes young so im aware that its the whole she wants to see what else is out there.4 days later after the breakup she hangs out with the same guy from work for 3 days in a row, she doesnt see him the next day but talks to him of course and now were back to present day. She said that she knows alot about him and is very close. She says shes that theyre just hanging out as friends for now. she posts myspace bulletins saying shed rather relive a moment of her and him from the other day if she had to (we were crazy and genuinely in love throughout except the last few months so i dont get why she wouldnt have chosen an earlier memory of us). I really want her back but i know i shouldnt wait because of the crap shes put me through. shes amazing really i love everything about her so dont tell me theirs other fish in the sea bs please. I already am aware of that, i just really am in love with her and the person that she is. This whole time since the breakup i havent stopped talking to her and textng her. I know i need to give her space but i havent been able to help it.I am going to stop as of today because im only making things worse. Does it sound like shes rushing into things with this dude? will it fail? I dont want a relationship for a lil while now so im still waiting at the same time.----- UPdate--- she cheated on the guy with me after 2 weeks. She tells me after that she wants to get back with me. a couple days later she changes her mind. the next day she starts going out with another guy then breaks up with him about a week later. Shes tells me she went to her mom crying saying that she still was in love with me. We agree to go slowly and get back together. its been about a month now weve been together.last sunday she tells me she isnt feeling it so we agree to give it one more chance on monday. Monday was great i did soo much for her and at the end of the night we cuddled and kissed passionately. it was great, no arguing or anything. Yesterday (friday) she tells me she wants a break becuz she doesnt feel so much a spark anymore. i tell her that through the years in relationships the spark dissapates but having someone that loves them, spending time with them and wanting to grow old with them should be enough. Then last night she tells me she doesnt think she wants to get back with me because shes afraid shes going to hurt me again anyways. She fesses up and tells me whats really on her mind. she says shes just not happy anymore. She says we argue too much and says she feels that maybe we arent a good match. I asked her what about monday... and she says that she thought it was good but then tells me shes tired of pretending that she loves me. She loves me but not as much as she used to she explains. So i tell her that this is it, im not giving her anymore chances. She agrees that we shouldnt keep getting back and breaking up all the time because its not fair to me. I understand that maybe the spark isnt soo much there but we never go out becuz she always wants to stay home so i am limited to being romantic with her to make her feel special. I love her SOOO much. she is my second love but first TRUE love and im her first true love as well. I told her that maybe in the future we could get back together but not after we do some growing up. Today i will be seeing her to say our goodbyes and for her to breakup with me officially. I mean i have been going to counseling for about 2 and half months now and my anger really has subsided so thats not a problem anymore. She even came with me to my psych a few times and weve been working to stop arguing and it HAS lessened. Is there any hope at all? anything that i could say to propose or change her mind? I really think that she is the one for me. I just wish shed realize that shes not going to find someone like me that will love her, take care of her and understands her like i do. I really know that this much is true. I really dont want to see her go. We agreed that were going to be friends but after we dont see each other for a while.
Answer I read thru your entire post, and I can tell that everything you put came straight from the heart. I know that this will not give you much comfort, but please know that all of us at some point has been thru a similar experience (me several times). Meaning, you are certainly in good company, and talking about it is always the first step.
First, I think you probably have already figured out that simply "doing things" for someone will not get them back. In fact, I am pretty sure you probably have also already found out that it is doing the opposite. Once again you are in good company here as well in that most of us (me included) have learned this hard lesson as well.
Second, I hate to break it to all of the romantics out there, but simply loving someone with all your heart (true or not) does not constitute a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are about two people who are not only fundamentally compatible personality wise, but are at the same point in their lives. Meaning, no matter how in love (or compatible) someone is, this means little if the other person is not at the same place.
Have you ever seen an old western movie where the hero rides off into the sunset at the end of the movie?? Well, I think you might want to consider doing something similar in your relationship. Just as every book has a beginning, it must also have an ending. In life, there are times when the best path is to just give your dear friend a big hug, wish them well, and go separate ways. Meaning, true love never meant that you would stay forever... It just meant that you truly want what is best for the other person, which according to her right seems to no longer include you....
Now, however, begins your journey.... You said you didnt want to hear about me talking about "other fishes" so I wont... What I will say is this. The first time I got my heart broken (9 year relationship) I thought I would never find a love that special ever again. Boy was I wrong. In fact, what I found was that there some amazing women out, and that what I thought was the best thing that could ever happen to me was only the beginning. I know your heart is hurting more than anything right now, but I want you to think about this. Without a doubt, somewhere out there is some other very special girl who will take that little broken heart of yours and make it soar like you have never known before.
I have found that life (and love) is very much like ships sailing on the ocean.... And for you... One thing you might want to consider is that now is time for you to set your sails in a different direction for a while. Yes, the new journey will be tough and it might even include additional heart breaks, but with a little luck I think you will find your destiny one day soon. You just need to keep doing two things... Keep your head up high, and keep your sails full...
