About Michael Freeman Expertise How to break-up
How to break-up with your girlfriend
How to break-up with your boyfriend
How to deal with a break-up
How to break-up with compassion and kindness
How to leave a codependent relationship
How to deal with a needy partner
How to deal with a demanding partner
How to deal with emotional and psychological abuse
Experience You might call me a "break-up artist."
I've studied psychology and relationships for over 10 years. I have experience counseling men through difficult relationships, and I'm exceptionally knowledgable about how to approach issues of separation and breaking up.
In other words, I help people deal with unhappy relationships.
I have written an ebook on leaving unhealthy relationships titled "A Way Out: A Men's Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships, available on Amazon.com and at: www.LeavingHer.com
Education/Credentials B.A. in the Liberal Arts
M.A. in the social sciences
Question my ex girlfriend and I broke up 2 weeks or so ago and it has been tough for
me. we ended on "good terms" if that is possible, because we realized we
were both growing apart and didn't get along as much anymore. we were
together for 15 months. our breakup was fairly mutual I think.
however, I think we both thought after some time away and thinking about
our relationship we could get back together. this has been the longest
relationship for both of us and up until the last month or so things were
great.
she has a new guy now, which, I totally understand is reasonable. we aren't
together and she can do whatever she wants.
but (from what I've been told) they starting dating/seeing each other a week
after we broke up. it hurts me that she moved on so fast. maybe she is doing
this to cope and maybe she is still sad. personally, I can't see someone fully
recovered in that short of a time. so I guess I'm being optimistic, but I can't
see it working out with this guy.
i want her back, but this is the problem: I can't figure...do I want her back
because she is with this guy? do I just miss her because we went out on good
terms? or is just normal feelings of a break up? (ive only dated seriously twice
my entire life) I can't figure out my feelings. or will I get over this in due
time? I'm not sitting her crying or really that heartbroken so I am confused.
i am heading out of the country for 1 month in 5 days so obviously getting
back together now is not a good idea. however, we did discuss hanging out
once I got back to see where things went. but with a new guy in the picture
that probably won't happen. we've spoken once since our break up...just
casual conversation and nothing about "us."
im in a tough spot. if I tell her I want to be with her, most likely that won't
work because she is dating someone now. so what should I do? wait until I
get back (when at that time I might be completely over her anyway) and see if
she wants to get together?
thanks so much for the help.
Answer Hi Jim,
You sound like a very self-aware, intelligent person. As you said, you're not enraged that she's dating someone new, though you feel hurt and possibly a bit jealous.
It always hurts to feel a bit left behind while the other person moves on.
From the tone of your words, my guess is that most of your feelings are due to the fact that she is with someone else. It's something I've experienced myself: I split-up with a girlfriend, and then my feelings turn 180 degrees when I see another guy try to grab her.
It feels like: "Hey, she was mine! And we're barely broken up! In fact, I think I still want to be with her!"
Those feelings will fade as you move. You say yourself that you might be over her by the time you get back anyway, so your intuition seems to be telling you that it is truly over.
Even if your heart is a bit stuck for now, you're physically moving on: Who knows what adventures (and possibly romance) await you as you leave the country.
The best thing you can do is not act impulsively. She is with someone else now -- if you try to intrude on her new relationship, it will only solidify her feelings for the other person (it only becomes MORE romantic to be with someone when you're forbidden to be with them -- think Romeo and Juliet).
As for your confusion over why she would start dating someone else, it's normal for someone to move quickly -- we all do things at our own pace. Maybe the guy is just a rebound and a distraction, or maybe it's something more significant -- that's for her to decide.
If eventually she comes back around and you want to give it another try, that's ok, but for now, just focus on you and your exciting future.
