Expert: ***ERICA*** - 7/30/2009

Question
I've been with my wife for 17years I'm 34y, and she is 31y. We have 3 children 15, 9, and 5. we've separated twice before. about 5 or 6 years apart. last one was about 6 years ago She cheated on me. Now currently she decided she doesn't want to be together anymore. I don't have any evidence that shes with someone else this time. My dilemma is I want to get over this and move on but because the kids its vary difficult, and she doesn't want me to leave. Now she left its been about two weeks now since she left. We spent last weekand together it was vary plesant but she still dosn't want to move back in right away she wants to take it slow. Is she showing me pitty or is she really thinking about coming back?

Answer
Dear Andy,
Quite frankly, I think it is time that you decide what it is that YOU want and not what SHE wants.  She has the best of both worlds right now.... her freedom and you when she wants you there.  I understand that it is difficult when you have children, but they cannot be the reason to stay in a marriage unless you want to have a completely miserable life.  If she doesn't want to be with you and she has told you that... then you need to start accepting that.  By continuously taking her back ~ you are allowing her to disrespect you by having affairs, be selfish by leaving (yet knowing you are still there), and enabling her bad behavior.  My suggestion to you would be not to care whether she is coming back or not, but rather... why do you want this kind of life for yourself???  Good Luck "E"