Expert: Julie - 7/21/2009

Question
My girlfriend makes me unhappy. I love her, but she's always so down, I can hardly get through some days. It hit rock-bottom about a week ago when she cut herself on the wrist pretty bad, while I was in the house with her. There was no warning, no reason for it. I just looked over as she was driving me home, and saw the blood dripping... I felt so sick.

I've honestly tried my hardest to help her. I listen to everything she's willing to talk to me about, and help the best I can. I even push her to talk more about the things that make her sad, and give her advice on how to fix things. I'm available whenever she needs me. She was better for a while, near the beginning of the relationship, but we're going on one year now and it seems like she doesn't care anymore about getting better.

I would want to stay with her, if only there was some sign that she would eventually get better. I don't want to be unhappy the rest of my life because the girl I love is unhappy. I probably would have broken up with her already, but she's said before she would kill herself...

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

Answer
Have you talked to her family about this? If they know about this, then its their responsibility to help her, not yours.

You need to get out of this situation even if she is threatening to kill herself if you do. You are not responsible for what she does, and she should not manipulate you into staying with her when your not happy.
Thats all she is doing is manipulating you. As for the signs of what she's already done, yes maybe theres the chance she will do what she threatens and thats why you can't be held responsible. When someone goes and kills themself its for other reasons, and sounds like she has a lot of reasons. This type of thing is beyond you..or anyone who is not trained. She needs medical help. Alls you can do is encourage her to get that help and if she doesn't, you can't do anything about it. Its not your responsibility to make sure she's ok and put your happiness on the line.

Trust me I've had two boyfriends who threatened to kill themselves if I left. I left anyways..and they are still alive. Of course theres always the chance but thats why you need to make sure her friends and family know what she has threatened and what she's going through so there is someone there for her to help her. Thats all you can do, the rest is up to her. She's going to do what she's going to do.

So after you have tried doing that, then you need to leave this is not a good situation for you to be in at all. Your not a trained professional and you alone won't be able to help her no matter what. She needs help and possibly medication, which only a doctor can offer.

But don't feel guilty and do not by any means stay with her out due to manipulation.

Good luck