About Tim Jones Expertise I can answer any relationship and/or dating questions.
Experience I specialize in the process and mechanisms of love, dating, and relationships. I have over 14 years of professional work in addition to over 17 years of individual dating experience studying the mannerisms and behaviors of people in dating and relationship settings.
Education/Credentials Professional Relationship Counselor
- Professional Sexual Relationship Counselor
Question Hi...I'm Kyel (14 yrs. old) and I recently broke up with my first girlfriend. We were together for about two months (pathetic, I know), and everything was great. She is the greatest person to ever happen to me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We have so many things in common.
She is the most confusing, complex person I have ever met. I gave her absolutely no reason to break up with me, she said her tastes for people and their characteristics changes constantly and that her affection just wore off.
I have cried several times since then (no problem admitting that), and I can't stop thinking about her and how much it's going to suck not having her, the break-up is like eating me alive. My feelings for her are unimaginably great.
On a last note, one of my best friends has known her for a long time, and agrees that she's very confusing...he says it's not worth it trying to get her back. Thank you.
Answer Sorry to hear about your loss Kyel, and I assure you that it is not pathetic for only 2 months. I know this will not bring much comfort, but please know that almost all of us have been in your shoes at one point or another (me several times), and I promise that it was no easier. The hardest part in my mind is that it seems the harder you try to not think about the other person, the worse it actually gets. For me (a 9 year high school sweetheart) the feeling was somewhat like offering your fragile heart out to her only to have her throw it on the ground, stomp on it repeatedly, and laugh at you in the process... In time, however, I started to see things differently, and hopefully you will too at some point... Let me explain..
First, you need to accept that it is truly over, and will never be again. This is the hardest part, but allowing yourself to fully accept this fact is very important and critical to moving forward... Also, I assure you that the crying you talked about is a good thing and certainly nothing to be ashamed of... During this time, you might not want to talk to her. The reason is because right now you cannot truly being a friend to her, and actually it is not fair on your part.
Next, lets talk about what Love actually is.... I think many times people forget what loving someone actually means. Love never meant that you get the girl forever. It meant that you love her enough that you truly want what is best for her, even if it means that it no longer includes you.
Now, about you... Assuming you have actually accepted the above, I suspect that right now the thought of being with someone else is the farthest thing on your mind. In fact, I suspect that you probably think that your heart seems broken forever, and that you will never find someone that is as "complex" and wonderful. Also, trust me when I say that almost all of us have felt this way at some point (me included). What I do know, however, is that right now there is some other very special little girl that is looking for you. I also know that this girl is equally complex, and that when you finally do actually meet her she will take that little broken heart of yours, instantly make it better than new, and make you soar like you have never known before. This complex girl is very different though, in that she will never think of asking you to go away, and will be completely content simply being by your side... I know you probably doubt a girl like this exists, but I promise you that she is out there. The thing is that you just need to find her and give her a chance at that little heart instead of continuing to mess around with someone whose affections seems to change along with the weather...
Finally... The next question you probably are going to ask is should you try to still be friends with her even though she seems so confusing to you???... Well, once you are ready to move on, and try to understand what love truly means, then I promise you that this part gets allot easier. In fact, remember that 9 year high school sweet heart I talked about?? Well she was a little older than you... But she found a guy who was perfect for her, and now has two of the most beautiful girls you would ever see. We are also no doubt closer now than we ever have been before (even when we were dating)... Meaning, I guess you could say that it is love on an entirely different level.. My hope for you is that maybe one day you will be able to be just as lucky with your complex and confused girl...
