Expert: ***ERICA*** - 8/24/2009

Question
QUESTION: My girlfriend/Fiancee moved out while I was at work.  The circumstances are very odd.  She just got back from a 2 week trip in China.  We had a very good week together when she returned.  If fact Monday we had a beautiful night together romantic dinner a night of passion.  We got up together the next morning she made me breakfast kissed me and said I love you and I went off to work.  When I came home my girl was gone.  I have been a mess ever since.  I loved and trusted her more the anything.  I do not feel I can ever love or trust again.  I have no interest in life now don't see the point.

ANSWER: Dear Kevin,
I am so sorry.  Her actions are very odd and I am sure that you are hurting terribly.... You have every right to be a mess and feel the way you are feeling, but at some point these feelings will pass. What makes it more difficult is that you didn't get any closure or even a reason.  I feel terrible that you are going through this.  You have to start with baby steps such as: working, eating, sleeping, and showering.  Those are probably the only things you can handle right now... Then, you need to get a great support group consisting of family and friends and allow them to help you get through this.  This is probably going to be one of the hardest times you are going to go through in your lifetime.  The basics may get you through the next couple of months and then you will start to feel ok... not great, but ok... Just do the basics.... I would strongly suggest going to talk to a professional because they will be able to help give you the coping skills you need while you are on an emotional roller coaster and trust me... you will be on one... you will go from anger to sadness to anger to disgust, etc.  Talking to someone does more good than you can imagine.  I am so sorry that you are going through this and she is an absolute coward, but I cannot speak for her... I don't know why she did what she did.... she may have some reasons, but that isn't my concern nor should it be yours and please don't blame yourself. Just realize that everything does happen for a reason and right now you must find the strength just to do the basics and take care of you..... Good Luck

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Erica,
13 days out and I really don't feel any better.  Often I ask god to just take me and have had thoughts of doing it myself.  I have not tried to do anything but have never had thoughts like this in the past.  This woman I was engaged to has been married twice and engaged 3 times.  People told me she just up and runs but I thought this was real love and didn't pay attention to her history.  She sent me a letter telling how wonderful I was but can no longer except my love.  I just don't see and end to the pain.

Answer
Kevin,
This is going to take a really long time for you to get over. You are not going to feel better anytime soon. Hindsight is 20/20 and we all wish we could change things. You just have to care about yourself a little bit to believe that eventually you are going to be ok. Please seek some professional help ~ this is too much for anyone to handle without it. Baby steps and faith ~ just a little of it.