Expert: ***ERICA*** - 8/24/2009

Question
Hi Erica, I've been out of a relationship since beginning of January with my  very first boyfriend, he's 21. We were dating for close to two years and some of it good and a lot of it bad. At the end of the day, I can genuinely say that I was unhappy for a lot of the relationship, but the love I had for him was so strong. Because he was the first male figure in my life to love other than my father and brother.

He left me, things were getting rough in our relationship and things needed to be fixed, but he didn't care and walked out. Sleeping with a lot of girls shortly after we broke things off. After three months, he came back, expecting to get a second chance, but I felt that his effort was not enough for me to re-think anything and really move forward. In fact, I felt I was moving backwards.

After I had told him to "get lost", he met someone else. He dated her for about a month and a half, and before he broke things off with her, he was coming back to me... again. They broke up and he had been messaging me and phoning me a lot. We hung out a couple of times. It felt great for the moment but terrible the next day. Something was bothering me, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

I feel that we're in each others lives because it's emotionally comforting. We're each others security blanket. I'm just not sure why I won't let go of him? He's nothing special and at the end of it all, he wasn't the greatest boyfriend...

Help,

Confused

Answer
Dear Becky,
I apologize ~ technical difficulties ~ I thought you received my response already.  You are absolutely right ~ it is emotionally comforting, routine, and habit.  Breaking habits and routines and dealing with change are difficult.  We get use to someone, what they like, spending time with them, etc. and miss it... that is normal.  Also, we get a little nervous about dating someone new because it's change.  I applaud you for realizing that it isn't the right situation for you and you are well aware of the emotions you are feeling.  You already know that he wasn't right for you ~ you went through a lot with him ~ you tried and now you have moved on.  Don't beat yourself up for the "moment" that felt wonderful because you know that the next day you didn't and don't really want to be with him.  Many couples who break up get back together for that specific reason = emotional comfort...... Keep doing what your doing by moving forwards... don't go back because your email indicates that you really don't want to.  Good Luck and Warmest Wishes