Expert: ***ERICA*** - 8/28/2009

Question
What do the words "dating",  "committed relationship", and "exclusive" mean to you?  I have been "dating" a guy for about two years.  I love him, and I know that he loves me.  He not only tells me, but he also shows me how much he loves me on a daily basis.  Our relationship is good and I have no complaints about how he treats me.  This is the best relationship I have had. He has indicated that I am the woman that he is thinking about settling down with and marrying, and that he has not ever thought about marrying any other woman than me.  

The problem is, right now, we are just "dating" and he does not think we have had enough time to be in an exclusive and committed relationship.  He believes that in order to get to the point of a committed relationship you must first date a person for a long while and really get to know them, and that you shouldn't rush. To some degree, I agree with that.  But, of course this leaves it open for him to date (and sleep with) whomever he wants.  I have told him that I want to be in a committed relationship with him and only him. I didn't want to give him an ultimatum because that doesn't work.  I understand that in relationships each partner does not get to the same level at the same time.  Women tend to want more while the man is slow in getting to that point.  All the while, he is telling me that I should know that he loves me because I am the one he spends all his time with.  I am the one who comes around his family and goes on family trips.  I am the one he does stuff for (i.e. cutting my grass, washing my car).  The other woman does not get any of that.  It's just sex with her.  He has said that he believes that he has a sexual addiction and is working on it for the sake of our relationship.  He has said that if I really loved him, I should accept him for who he is right now and that he needed me to be willing to wait for him to work on his problem.  He claims that he is in fact working on his problem because he was sleeping with numerous women but has now gotten down to just me and one other. He also says in the past he would get phone numbers from all the women that approached him or women whom he found attractive, but now he is turning them down and not talking to any of them because he loves me and nobody compares to me. Whenever I question him about the "other woman" and tell him how much it is hurting me, he gets upset and wants to break it off because he feels that I am not being patient enough to let him work though his problem.  He says even though he is being truthful with me, he doesn't want to hurt me.     

Should I be happy with just "dating" and wait until he is ready for a committed/exclusive relationship with me?  Or should I just call it quits and move on?   What are your thoughts?  

Answer
Dear Kathy,
Unless you are comfortable with this situation ~ please walk away.  This man is getting his cake and eating it too.... Is he for real?  2 years isn't long enough to date without being in an exclusive relationship?  Yea... okay... Ummm... 2 months is long enough to figure out whether you want to be with someone in a serious relationship.  Then, you are allowing him to make you feel "special" because he is starting to turn down phone numbers?? Are you kidding me??  AND BEST OF ALL.... he is telling you that you aren't being PATIENT??? I would have left him after 2 months.... You do not have a catch... you have been blessed with a child.... Please care enough about yourself to realize that this isn't what "love" looks or feels like.  He is using you or taking you for granted or better yet... BOTH.  If you are happy with this situation then fine... but, since you wrote to me... I highly doubt it.  I don't care if he is being truthful.... This is not the type of situation that anyone should want to be in.... You really need to start feeling better about yourself because if you felt good about yourself there would be no question in this world that this man is NOT good for you.... Let the "other woman" win this "PRIZE" because trust me.... by letting him go... you are winning the biggest prize of all.... a life with the possibility of a lifelong partner who is NOT him.... Run as fast as you can.... please...