Expert: Julie - 8/19/2009

Question
QUESTION: my boyfriend of 9 months has decided he doesn't want to be with me any more hes done this a few times always after ive said a few horrible things to him he says he cant deal with the things i say, but each time hes forgiven me, but this time i asked him to go as i had enough of all his secrets he would never share anything with me about his past and also i never met any of his friends he very rarely took me out if he did it would always be somewhere quite never really wanted to go out, also we didn't have a sexual relationship it was always just wanting kissing and cuddling maybe once a fortnight, also few months ago i found messages to a se chat line i was mortified  and this caused problems, he never gave me compliments and rarely told me i look good it was always me telling him how good he looked so this also caused problems so i asked him to leave after a row i didn't think he would go he has and now he has ended it and gone back to live with his mum im devastated as he seems to of moved on so quickly he says he wants to be friends but i just cant be friends and ive just found out that he was always flirting with other women when we were together he  always loved to be the centre of attention i didn't really mind that, but i just cant be without him its so hard

ANSWER: It doesn't sound like it was a healthy relationship. I know its hard to be withouth him, no matter how bad a relationship is, its always hard to leave. But give yourself some time to adjust and figure out what you really want in a relationship. I can guarantee its not him. Its not healthy and the best thing you can do is move on. Its normal to feel like you need him back but thats only because you still have feelings and the emotions you are going through right now make you concentrate on the heart not your mind. Ask yourself if this is really what you want.

Good luck

Julie

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thankyou julie for your answer it makes sense i dont think it was healthy at all as he never made me feel like a woman i am trying to move on by seeing other people and it is easier but my problem now is his daughter whom i got very close to she still wants contact with me and wants to see me do you think it is wise to do this x she is so lovely do you think it would work or am i heading for a fal ??

ANSWER: I understand your attachment to the daughter but I think its best to give some space between youa and her as well. Obviously you will no longer be a big part of her life and she has to get used to that. Not only that but its going to be hard for you to move on if you have to see your ex every now and then because of the daughter. Its best to have a clean break.

Julie

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: i thought that would be best but now my ex at the wkend asked me to leave him alone for good so i agreed and have not had any contact as i respect his wishes so as hard as its been i have deleted his numbers and i am moving on but now on facebook he has made a comment about one of my pics and sent xx with it and sent me a poke i have jusr ignored this why is he doing this ?? its not fair he should try to contact me this way it just confuses me but im gonna stay away x do u think thats right as we could never be friends

Answer
I really don't think he should be contacting you like that. Its hard to say why he's doing it perhaps he figures you two can be friends and he probably thinks its harmless. He probably does have a little bit of feelings for you as well, but your smart to just keep moving on. The last thing you need is to read into something. Most of us who are going through a break up read a lot into what our exes say to us, but i have learned that unless they are saying 'I want to work things out' then we really shouldn't read anything into anything they say or do. That ends up keeping us on a yo yo and we don't need that.

Julie