Expert: ***ERICA*** - 8/26/2009

Question
Me and my girlfriend had been in a relationship for two years during college. She lives in the US and I live in Canada, but we went to school together. We had the best relationship in the world, and spent a lot of time together during these two years.She loved all of my friends as well. I was very close with her dad and he loved me. We had decided that once we graduated we were going to move to canada, because I had an amazing opportunity and she could get a great job there. She agreed and she got her visa in order to work. Her mom did not want her to move to "canada" but she was going to because she loved me so much. Her friends told me how amazing I was for her and how they dont have anyone like me there. Everything was fine and she came up to visit about 2 weeks before she was going to move up, it was her 8th time visiting. When she arrived I asked her to marry me? she said yes and we had talked about getting married for the past year or so. She did not expect it then, but it wasn't out of the blue. I did it just to show I was committed to her becasue she was showing commitment by moving here. Anyways the week she was here she was acting a little distant, and i asked her if she wanted to be engaged? and she said yes. 5 days after she got home from her visit she decides that she is not ready to be engaged, not ready to move up, and needs to be single and independent for a while. I could not beleive this!! She said she had been in relationships for the past 9 years of her life and needed to figure herlself out. After 2 weeks of talking to her she decided that she was going to move into an apartment by herself and be independent for a while. We had all of these amazing plans and I absolutley love this girl to death!! I tried to persuade her for about 2 weeks and then realized that wasn't working and decided to just give her space. I am literally going insane. It has been about 3-4 weeks since we have last made contact and I wanna send her a letter or call or something but just dont know what to do. The day before she left, she was shopping with my mom looking for my birthday present in a month, and then does this 5 days after being home. It all makes no sense to me. She loved my family and parents and was telling them how she was excited to move up. Its like she pulled a complete 180 on me and It makes no sense. I asked if she wanted to have a long distance relationship and she said she just wanted to be friends becasue she couldnt be the best girlfriend for me right now. I said I would be friends and after a day i realized i wasn't going from being engaged to being friends and told her that, while also cutting off all communication. I also told her I would move there and she said she didnt want that because she didnt want me to give up my opportunity, but i would do anyhing to be with this girl. We went on the best vacation of our lives 3 months before this and nothing is making sense. Please help me get the love of my life back. It has been a month since this happened and I need to get her back!!!

Answer
Dear Mike,
I am not sure if it is a matter of cold feet or a change of heart. You are doing the right thing by having no contact and allowing her space. The best thing although not easy is to focus on yourself and your own life. I wouldn't send a letter or initiate any contact with her because she knows how you feel and I don't think anything you say wouldmake
a difference. If you want to write a letter and not mail it that would be for your own benefit
Allow her this time and if she wants to work things out she will let you know. In the meantime you need to focus in on you and your life. Its hard very hard but we can't force anyone to be with us. We don't know why people change their minds or do what they do...we can only take care of ourselves.