Expert: ***ERICA*** - 8/31/2009

Question
I've always heard that first loves hurt when its over, but i've never been in so much pain in my life. It's been a year since and at times I think that i'm over it then something will remind me of him and the wind is knocked out of me, I can't breathe, and it feels like my heart is crushed. Then I just lay there and relive everything. When does it get easier?
We were only for five months, but they were the most amazing months of my life. We were an unlikey couple but I tried to make it work despite the age gap. And then my little world came crashing down, I hurt him so much. And even though he says he's forgiven me and that he's moving on, I haven't. I'm so so extremely happy that he's doing well. I just want to take everything back, start over. But its clear I can't, and I know I need to move on but I dont know how. I dont want to feel this pain anymore. Help me please.

Answer
Dear Ashley,
It may be a good idea for you to talk to someone that you trust: whether it be a professional, counselor, priest/pastor, etc. to help you move on.  It is normal to feel sad, but at this point you should start to forgive yourself and now that he is doing well... you should allow yourself to do well also.  Write a letter telling him everything that you always wanted to tell him and how sorry you are, but don't send or give it to him.... this typically makes one feel better.  You do need to move on... you can only learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them.  That is what life is about ~ to try and be happy, experience things, live and learn.... You can never take everything back and start over.... You can try to start again with someone, but the past is the past and it can never be erased and typically it all ends badly.  Allow yourself a few minutes each day to feel sad, but try to fill your life with wonderful things and great people ~ eventually the pain will subside.... once you start letting go little by little.  Most importantly ~ forgive yourself ~ then, make a vow to try and never repeat the same mistake again.... Good Luck....  P.S.  Great people don't do great things once in awhile..... but, it doesn't make us bad people....