Expert: Julie - 8/21/2009

Question
Hi Julie,

I had a very kind and caring boyfriend who called everynight and was very attentive to everything I needed.  He would even watch chick flicks with me without any hassle- really, he was gold, and I was crazy about him.  After a few months, he told me how much he loved me.  Shortly soon after however, I began taking him for granted, and picked fights with him for no real reason.  Instead of talking to him when I was upset, I would say my piece and shut down emotionally.  I handled things very poorly.  Also, he wanted to be married eventually and I told him I never did- which is not true.  We began arguing a lot and finally, he broke it off.  He was having a very difficult time at work and between his job and I, he said he couldn't do it anymore.  This was about three weeks ago. We'd only been together 8 months, but I would really like to get him back and talk to him- I do think he is the one and I messed this up.  He's 27 and I'm 25.

When we broke up, he cried and seemed very upset.  He's a very sensitive person.  He mentioned a few times that he would like to call in a month and didn't want to end things this way, but I'm worried that that was the way he felt at the time and that his feelings have changed since then.  Also, he may just want to be friends at that point, who knows? But since he gave me a month time-line, I want to respect that and not breach it- but on the other hand, I do want to get back together with him.

So far, he has texted me once to wish me good luck on upcoming exam results which I replied "thank you" to, but that is the only contact I've had with him since the day we broke up.  I would like to get back together with him, but I really have no idea how to handle this.  Can you please give me some advice?

Answer
I'm proud of you for maintaining no contact. This ensures you gave him time to think about the situation, maybe miss you and decide what he wants.
Don't contact him yet, wait a couple more weeks at least and then maybe send him a message explaining what you have just told me so he knows where you stand, give him more to think about. but only if he doesn't contact you within the next few weeks.
If he does want to get back together though, he'd let you know and try. He wouldn't just let it go so I wouldn't worry about not contacting him and that it'll make him think you don't want him.
so continue as you are and hopefully he'll come around. If not then theres really not much you can do.

Good luck

Julie