Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/20/2009

Question
Dear Erica,

My boyfriend of over a year and a half just broke up with me  two weeks ago. Two days before our break up we were hanging out at his house and he asked me what I wanted for Christmas and he was constantly making plans in the future for us.

When he broke up with me he told me that he had been unhappy in our relationship for months, but I had no idea! We hardly every fought. He said, "we have nothing in common."

I feel like he's been upset with me because I've been busy for the past month with work and yet he has been unsuccessfully searching for a job for the last 3 months. To top it all off, all his friends moved back home or away because they finished college (we are both recent college grads). I don't know if he was unhappy with me or if it was something about himself that didn't make him happy.

We did not part on bad terms, but I just want to give him some time and space.

I really want to get back together with him and so I am leaving him alone and not trying to communicate with him. How long should I wait to initiate contact?

Thanks for the help!

Answer
Dear Leigha,
You shouldn't contact him at all since he initiated the breakup.  Keep this in mind when you feel weak ~ IF HE wants to be with YOU then he will stop at nothing to be with you.  It's easier to try and find a "reason" as to why the breakup occurred, but sometimes it just happens and you never get the answer that you want/need.  Rarely do we ever get the reason as to why someone breaks up with us.  Please don't waste your time by giving him space and time.  Concentrate on your life and goals.... If this is meant to be it will be, but what if it isn't... then, how much time are you going to waste on waiting for him?? You deserve so much better for yourself.  I know this is painful... breakups are one of the hardest things to go through... You will drive yourself crazy trying to find out why the split occurred.... try to accept that it has and move on... baby steps.... The only thing that is going to heal all of this is time and focusing in on yourself.... Good Luck