Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/24/2009

Question
I am writing you today because last month my year-long relationship with my girlfriend ended. We really loved each other but would get into arguments all the time. Mainly the arguments were becuase she had such a bad attitude. I realize I contributed as well, but she was VERY moody. When I would intruduce her to new people I was always worried they would think she was a bitch. I guess I saw a loving side to her. She and I had been back and forth a few times and she was always the one who was begging for me to come back. She would do all these great things to get me to keep her in my life. The sweetest things ever! And I would always fall for thwm. One day last month she ended things and is not coming back. She broke up with me and was a rude bitch to me. She was rude when I would try and talk to her and acted like she  didn't care about me at all. About a week later she asked me to come to her house and talk. Of course I fell for it and when I got there she told me she wanted me back. She then proceeded to tell me that one night while we were still together she made out with some guy in a bar (the same night she was supposed to come see me). She said she needed me to forgive her so we could move on together. I told her I would but it would take time. The VERY next day she wrote me an e-mail saying she made big a mistake asking me to
come over and she couldn't be with me anymore... For about 3 weeks I chased her. I wouldn't go more than 3 days without talking to her in some way (text/e-mail mostly). She kept telling me she missed me and wanted to be friends. All this confused me because our entire relationship she was obsessed with me! Now she wants to be friends? WTF? I  finally gave up and decided we could not be friends. She then calls me and in a total rude bitch way asks me to meet her so we can talk about everything. I told her NO and stood my ground. I couldn't go through what I went through all over again (her changing her mind). So now here I am. It has been a week and half since I have spoken to her. I have been a total wreck. I need to move on but don't really know how. All I know is that I cannot and will not be her "friend". I am pretty broken down at this point. Any advice or guidance would be an huge help for me!"

Answer
Dear Tom,
Unfortunately, the only thing that really allows us to move on is ~ TIME and NO CONTACT.  If you give yourself that you will look back and realize that maybe she wasn't what you wanted in a partner, but that the change associated with the breakup was hard to deal with rather than really wanting to be with her.  She may be unhappy with herself and what is going on in her own life, but you don't deserve to be her punching bag and I am sure that you want to be with someone who you can be proud of ~ not scared to bring around people ~ that certainly is a terrible way to have to live.  I always suggest that you give it a 90 day no contact rule.... If in 90 days you really miss her for who she is then you can approach the situation differently, but you deserve to have someone treat you with respect and most importantly you deserve to be happy.  Try to focus in on some new activities and people.... Also, keep yourself busy and surround yourself with your loved ones.  CHANGE is very hard and HABITS are hard to break... Good Luck