Expert: Julie - 9/29/2009

Question
How does one even start to move on.  Its like a death that you go through. After the big fight he shows up at my door. Using my bathroom or wanting to take the morning paper. Its like one min he wants to share his normal everyday life we had.  And then had a blink of an eye he talking to me as he is running out my front door.  My biggest mistake is even opening the door.  He belittle me in the last 5 years of our relationship.  I grew fatter and he got more controlling.  Verbal abuse was deffo in the relationship.  We lost respect. Mostly me about myself.  My self esteem is at its lowest now.  I am trying in the last month to move on.  But him showing up at the door. Its hard not opening the door.   He doesn't feel that I have it in me to be on my own again.  Since I only dated him when I turned 21yrs old.  Now I am 49yrs.  And things really did change.   I just need to find Kim again.  Any support or advice would be greatly needed.  I just lost my mom in 2008 to cancer it was rough.  And recently lost my pet for 15 yrs and two weeks later now him.  So I am sad and my emotions are on a roller coaster.  Ups and downs.  Need advice and support.  I have my family but I need advice outside the box.
Thanks for your help !!!

Answer
Well what your going through certainly is tough. Thing is, and I hate to say it..but you won't even begin to heal until you take some time for yourself and stop answering your door to him. Healing can't start til that part of your life ends. He's going to keep doing it because you allow it. And as long as you allow it, the longer it will take for you to get stronger and feel better about yourself.
Yes it will be hard to shut the door on him at first but then I guarantee you will start to feel stronger and get back some of your self esteem. It wouldn't hurt if you could also go start seeing a therapist if you can. It sounds like you've been through a lot in your life so this would be a great place to start.

But once you are able to get rid of him from your life, I can assure you, that your life will start to get better slowly..you need your power back. He's still controlling you by doing this, he wants to see how far he can take things, and trust me, it'll just get worse..
focus on you, and what makes you happy..

Good luck

Julie