Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/22/2009

Question
i dated my ex for about one and a half years and we were really tight together. she broke up with me exactly 9 months ago, saying she doesnt love me enough. we have been friends since then and i'm still not over her. we got together for movies, etc as friends and even kissed and cuddled heavily once and she really enjoyed it, (she said she hadnt made out with any guy since we broke up) but still didnt want to make up. i've tried keeping out of touch with her for up to about 2 months, but still not over her, and i was more depressed and less focused on my work while keeping away from her. i dont feel anything for any other girl as much as i tried (even when i had made out with some of them), even when the girls are desperate to have me. my ex even advices i get another girl. my ex is far from good-looking so she just cant get another guy even after trying hard with different guys in the last 9 months (the guys only say they just wanna be ordinary friends with her and this frustrates her), and this makes it harder for me to get over her, knowing she is still single, and probably would be for a really really long time. she's getting even less attractive with age, but I'm still in love with her. i am forced to keep keeping in touch with her as friends because this is the only way i am less depressed. but i'm still not whole, knowing we're not back together. how do i get over her? my life feels like its in permanent runis!

Answer
Dear Abu,
You have to start letting her go... you need to get over her because regardless of how unattractive she is or how many women want to be with you ~ she has made the decision to move on with her life.  The more you stay in her life the harder it is going to be for you.  I understand that it hurt a lot when you stopped being in her life, but it would have gotten easier... there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You need to give yourself a chance to heal and having any contact with her is NOT the answer.  Put it in your head that it is over and start moving on with your life.... NO CONTACT... NONE!! That and time is the only way you are going to heal... It takes a long time, but you will eventually put her in a special place within your heart and be able to move on.  Surround yourself with great family and friends..... Good Luck... I know how hard it is...