Expert: Julie - 9/22/2009

Question
i dated my ex for about one and a half years and we were really tight together. she broke up with me exactly 9 months ago, saying she doesnt love me enough. we have been friends since then and i'm still not over her. we got together for movies, etc as friends and even kissed and cuddled heavily once and she really enjoyed it, (she said she hadnt made out with any guy since we broke up) but still didnt want to make up. i've tried keeping out of touch with her for up to about 2 months, but still not over her, and i was more depressed and less focused on my work while keeping away from her. i dont feel anything for any other girl as much as i tried (even when i had made out with some of them), even when the girls are desperate to have me. my ex even advices i get another girl. my ex is far from good-looking so she just cant get another guy even after trying hard with different guys in the last 9 months (the guys only say they just wanna be ordinary friends with her and this frustrates her), and this makes it harder for me to get over her, knowing she is still single, and probably would be for a really really long time. she's getting even less attractive with age, but I'm still in love with her. i am forced to keep keeping in touch with her as friends because this is the only way i am less depressed. but i'm still not whole, knowing we're not back together. how do i get over her? my life feels like its in permanent runis!

Answer
Well unfortunatly thats the thing, by getting together with her and keeping in touch it will take a lot longer to get over her. Having gone through it myself I can tell you that at first, maybe in the first couple of months even, no contact really is hard and of course you feel depressed..but I guarantee that it gets better eventually..a lot better than if you keep hanging out with her. If you aren't willing to do that because its too hard then it will continue to be hard and it will take a lot longer to get over her. Unfortunatly theres no easy way to get over someone..but from what I know, no contact is the best. For me it took about three months of no contact with my ex before I started to feel better. Its not an instant way to feel better, it takes time but it truly does work if you ask anyone whose done it.

good luck

Julie