Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/15/2009

Question
A month (Aug) ago I broke up with my boyfriend. We had been friends for over 14 years and just started dating in Jan 09. We were in a serious relationship and talked about marriage and a future together. I spent time with family and friends.  Problems arose when his job which he travels with for 1/3 of year , sent him on the road in July. We no longer were talking on daily basis or seeing each other. So, I got frustrated. (I knew he would be traveling with his job when we first started dating). So, then he asked me if his job sent him out of the country what would happen. I told him we would have to be engaged or married. Neither one of us would budge from our stances. So, he felt as though he can't be with me and travel. We had previously had a discussion about our future and he asked for me to give him time and said "OK" however 2 weeks later, we get into this conversation. So, we broke up. A few days later after I realized that I had made a mistake and handled the situation poorly, then I texted him and asked him to call me. He did not call. So I waited for another week and called, when he did not answer I sent him a text, this time apologizing for being selfish and inconsiderate of his feelings and asking if the next time he is the area could we sit down and talk. He said "Yes, he was open to this, but did not know when it would be back in the area, but would let me know". I replied with a simple "Okay". I am uncertain as to why he agreed whether, he want to try and work on the relationship, get more time to himself, or just so I will not contact him anymore. Can anyone provide insight. Help! We are both in our 30s.

I have been waiting for over 3 weeks now and still no word from him. I know for fact before we broke up that he would be in and out (mostly out) of the area until Oct. I do not want to pushy at this time, since he agreed to talk and start calling.

I really want things to work out, we just had a communication breakdown other than that I was happy in the relationship, no other problems.

I do not know what to think or say at this point. I am beginning to panic and do not know what to do.

Answer
Dear Camille,
Stay busy and concentrate on yourself.  Are you really willing to settle for a relationship that isn't exactly what you want?  OR... did you break up with him in the hopes that he would miss you and change his mind about getting engaged or married?? Obviously, he doesn't want to make that commitment to you so are you willing to waste more of your precious time with a relationship that is probably going nowhere?  If he really wanted to be with you or wants to be with you ~ I really think that you would have heard from him by now.  Men don't stop at anything to be with the person that they are truly in love with.  They don't want the risk of losing that person.  I would start focusing on my life and really think about the fact that he hasn't gotten in touch with you ~ you shouldn't have to chase him.  He made a decision that he didn't want to get engaged or married ~ so.. stick to your decision and move on.... I know it is hard, but I have a feeling that if you are the one trying to make this work you are going to have an empty relationship with him.  Is that what you really want or would you rather give yourself an opportunity to meet someone who is crazy about you??? Good Luck