Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/24/2009

Question
Hi,

My boyfriend just recently broke up with me two nights ago. We've been going out a year, which is the longest he's been with any girl. I've never had any interest in dating until I met him and gave it a try. We were both in high school and we just graduated this past June. Both of us are going into the Navy, November for him and January for me, and he said it would be best if we broke up since we aren't going to be seeing each other for four or more years and he's really serious about making a career in the Navy. Him and I had a lot of firsts together. I love him dearly, more than he knows, I believe. And he still loves me as well. We're both very close still, but of course there's boundaries set. The bad thing is that I live with him and his family and I don't have too much option on where to go so I'm stuck seeing him everyday and I have to keep up a smile when I just end up breaking down into intense sobs and crying for the longest time. My chest is killing me from crying so much. He and his family have done so much for me and we have made so many memories this past year, it's just so hard to let them all go. I want to work something out with him so badly. He introduced me to his entire family and he has never done that with any girl before and he admitted with being with a lot of girls in the past, etc. It's just so hard. He's such a great person and I don't want to let him go to someone else. We mentioned to each other that perhaps in the future we can meet up again when the Navy's over and get back together, but I'm afraid I'd be too late or it's just a fantasy I'm stuck in. I feel like I'm never going to get over him. I never had any desire of dating or loving anyone besides my family and close friends. And he comes along and turns my world upside down and just leaves me. He said he didn't want to wait until the last minute to do it and have me here wanting to talk to him. He wanted him to be here for this so I could talk to him about anything about this. It's just so hard for me because I don't make relationships very often, whether it be friendships or dating. I've had the same friends for years and grown attached and I have grown attached to him as well. This feels like it's killing me inside and I feel like I lost all purpose for living, as dramatic as it sounds. I feel so empty, like someone just ripped my heart out so suddenly and I'm trying to gasp for air, but nothing's happening. I don't want to be without him. I just don't know what to do to just accept it and move on. I don't want to remember all the times I've spent with him because it hurts way too much. I'm so lost. By the way, we're both eighteen. I know we're still young, but I felt like I could spend my life with him and we were often caught talking about our future together which made this more of a shock to me since I had such high hopes. I just don't know what to do and it's eating away at me inside.

Answer
Dear Samantha,
If you could find different living arrangements that would be ideal because staying there is going to be a lot harder than you can imagine. He doesn't want to be with you and he is trying to let you down easy. However, I wouldn't count on the 2 of you getting back together..especially anytime in the near future. If you have to stay there for awhile, please put a plan in place to get out as soon as possible. This is the only way you are going to start to heal. It hurts ~ I know... The only thing that is really going to help you recover is time. Time and taking care of you. I just don't know how you are going to even start to feel ok being in the same house with him. Take back some of your power and believe that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you...good luck