Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/20/2009

Question
Dear Erica...
My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We have been together for just over 1 year and a half.
During that time we have had plenty of ups and down. A couple of months into our relationship he told me he still had feeling for his ex girlfriend, which really hurt because i thought we were so happy.He said he needed some time on his own because he didn't think that it was fair to be with me if he had feelings for somebody else, even though he didn't want those feelings.He kind of had a mental break down. But we worked through that because we both said we should always try.We got along fine but continued to have small argents over one anothers jealousy and trust issues, but we always made up a couple of days later.We resolved our issues and everything was perfect I felt very happy and so did he .But one day i bought up his ex and he went at me and finished our reletionship.He said things will never change. I begged for another chance and i was constantly ringing him and texing him crying me eyes out. Its embarrassing now to think I acted that way. Then somebody told me to stop doing it and he'll get in touch with me, and he did. He asked why i wasn't texting him anymore and he thought that i had met someone else. But then he said he still didn't want to be together and stopped talking to me altogether. I felt so bad that I tried to commit suicide. It was a stupid thing to do, I guess I thought my life was nothing without him. But thankfully my family and friends were there for me and in time i felt better.My ex boyfriend and I work together and after a couple of months after this happened he was asked to work in my department at work.Gradually we started talking again and one night we went out for a drink. I asked him if there was any chance of us getting back together he said he didn't know and not to worry too much. Anyway, we started spending more time together and things were great. But something felt different he wasn't as loving or doting as he was when we were first together. I asked him what was the matter and he said he wasn't happy and i agreed he wasn't fulfilling what i wanted or hoped. I suggested breaking up because what was the point in being together if none of us were happy.But he said what if its a mistake to break up, he does love me but his does not know why he feels like this. So we said we would see how things go. But two days later we had a massive argument because he was unwell and i thought i had done something wrong. I said i don't want to be with you any more and he said ok. i regreet it so much now, i wish i had have just gone home and calmed down. I text him since but he doesn't want to know, he said  he wants to be on his own or he needs to be on his own. I really miss him and everyone is telling me if i leave him alone maybe he will come back to me, him not so sure though. I don't want to break up but it feels though i have no choice. Its really hard too as we work together, he said hes leaving and him also looking for another job.But I don't think any of us will leave any time soon. i don't know what to do, should i wait and see if he changes his mind and feels better about things or should i just forget about him and try and move on. I love and care for him very much and i know if and when one of us meets somebody else theres noway we would get back together then. Please help x

Answer
Dear Kaleigh,
I know you won't believe this now, but the best thing that could happen is for the 2 of you to split up.  He is not good for you.  He doesn't make you feel loved or wanted.  Having a relationship just so that it is ok ~ isn't good enough... you deserve to feel WONDERFUL because you are a FABULOUS person.... You tried to kill yourself over this man ~ nothing is worth trying to hurt ourselves... nothing..... You have given this guy way too much power over yourself, your thoughts, your actions, and your feelings.  Try going and talking to someone that you trust... allow them to help you put the pieces of your life back together.  There are 8 billion people in this world... you are going to have many more boyfriends if you give yourself a chance, but get to learn and love yourself first.  You need to focus in on you... surround yourself with wonderful people and start loving you.  Stay away from this guy.... and get busy creating your own life.  You are giving him way to much power.... I know it hurts... rejection never feels good, but know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will start feeling better about you if you work on you!!!